Makaze

Makaze's actually an octopus.

 

I would, but it is not about my mindset. I do not want others judging me for my sex.

So I was right before? With the other thread where I ranted, I thought you had grown tired of me. Eh, I should not try to see the best in people so much. I had hoped that you would acknowledge my complexity and try to understand it. You acknowledge the duality, so I had hoped you would acknowledge that I was understandable and could be sympathized with. If you have given up on me on the basis that I am not worth your time, then I expected too much from you. I am saddened.

It is, but it is also based in my experience. I have gotten to a point where I assume others are single-minded and that they will deny that there is a duality. I have to hear them say or imply that they acknowledge it before I will accept that it is so. Simply by being aware of it, I am better than those who would judge me based on whether I am male or female. It is not so arrogant to feel that being aware of the duality is better than not being aware of it, is it?

I have not. I do not have respect for the whole book as I have not read it yet, but I have respect for what I quoted. I do not need to know or agree with an entire work to respect the pieces of it that I have read. So long as I do not generalize it as the whole work or appeal to the authority of the work itself, there should not be a problem. What I did was quote something that I found insightful. The author and the other works of the author do not matter to the quotation.

In other words, I should ignore people? I could try that, but how would I profit? Not rhetorical.

My goal is to make myself well and deeply understood. If I were to amend my actions in pursuit of being understood, then they would be understanding the amended self rather than the original, and I would lose some of myself in the transfer. Like entropy.

... But then, I am already doing this... And I am losing my caring nature to it. I need to realize that.

I spread myself too thin. That seems to be the consensus. Should I change my goal?

 

People often judge me for my sex. Wait, we're talking about the same thing, right?

 

Heh...

Oh, also... I have a headache, so take that into account regarding my attitude. I might be a little more abrasive than usual...

 

Glad to have amused you, if just a little.

Actually I see no reason to blame you for the way you're acting here. Honestly I think everyone should get off your back.

Nobody is pretending to be anything. Some of us know what sex Makaze is, some of us don't. And I see no issue with that continuing to be the case, since it's simple preference. Krown does the same thing, as do several other members, and unless you have a romantic or sexual interest in Makaze, it doesn't even matter.

 

I had grown tired of you for that one night. I slept that off a while ago, my friend. And right about what?

You seem to be complex for the sake of it, not because it is best. You deal in absolutes in my mind, that your thoughts are the only ones that are right, whilst not sympathising with other’s opinions. You leave little to no leeway at all for people to think about your side of the argument when you don’t think about their side. Thinking your superior simply isolates you. To think just by having a ‘better’ view then other people will mean you have the best view. The best view, is to view all views, to take it all in and understand each of them.

And I never said you were not worth my time. I heed the idea: Things arise and she lets them come; things disappear and she lets them go. I take what comes at me from you, whether it be intrigue or anger at you, but those feelings will disappear and I will not dwell on them. You’d have to do something terrible to get in my bad books.

But you must understand that by quoting that section, everything from that piece will be up for discussion. The doors we open can not always be shut behind so easily. You should read that in Daoism duality is a key part in the idea of things, of the Yin and the Yang, and the balance and harmony they bring. Hard has good qualities as Soft does, for the best results they balance each other out. Much like any duality, they define each other, without one there isn’t the other, which is a truth of the universe.

Your goal is to make yourself well and deeply understood by whom? Whether you accept it or deny it, people around you shape who you are, you can not resist if you are surrounded by them. People you work with, or are friends with, are enemies with, are in a family with, you have dated and will date, all will define you.
The only way to understand yourself is to look at those around you. The more you look through their eyes, the more realisation you have of your own views.

Don’t let being a sociopath be your defining feature.

 

By all. By myself, I suppose? I seek to understand myself. I also seek to destroy parts of myself that I do understand but dislike. Understanding someone does not make them more likable unless you dislike things purely because you do not understand them. I tend to dislike results regardless of how they come about. I do not care how you came to be a violent threat, I will always dislike the fact that you are one.

I seek for others to be as accepting as I am. Please take note of the fact that really the only things I argue against are forms of judgment and bigotry. I am hating hate and being biased against bias. My goal is to eradicate those dualities, as my goal with any desire is to cease desiring. If you disagree, then find something I have argued about like this that does not relate to someone else being closed-minded towards a subject.

If I am complex, I did not choose to be complex. If I choose to be complex, then that is merely an expression of the complexity that was already there. An entity is incapable of understanding things outside of its capacity by definition, so if I understand a concept, that concept is as much a part me as my preference regarding ice cream. I do not believe that I am truly that complex, because everything I do forms a seamless web and snaps into place for me. When you understand the goals that I have, you understand everything else. Find out what someone wants, and you will understand all of their actions. It is not so complex as people make it out to be.

My main goal, the thing I want most, is to know everything. This is not something I decided one day, but something that I have observed based on what I do and the kinds of things I look into.

You seem to be under the impression that once something is understood, it is less annoying. This is no less the case with a person's thought process than with a bad joke that is annoying once it is explained to you.

You are right on one thing. I have ceased reflecting myself off of others in my frustration with the violence and negative energy around me. I have instead worked on eradicating the parts of the world that contribute to my stress. I need to chill out and observe again, and keep telling myself that killing people will not solve my internal problems...

 

But why do you care so much about how people perceive you? Like is it really such a big deal? What do you do in real life?

 

I'm a Violent threat?
Eradicating and killing?
Want to know everything?
The goal with any desire is to cease desiring?
Find out what someone wants, and you will understand all of their actions?

The only things that you seem to want is akin to a mad man if I ever remember one.

And in the end, your goal will be left empty and unfulfilled, and your very being a shell of what was once there.
He who increases his knowledge, increases his sorrow. You will break under such sorrow, all knowing one. That knowledge will be wasted, that life will be wasted, and drift into the seas and rivers to be left to drown. Alone. But that is what you seem to want. And that is a choice only you can make. Waste it how you will.

 

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I remember when we were discussing friendships and relationships (http://www.kh-vids.net/showthread.php?121949-Friendships-and-Relationships) and you seemed dumbfounded by the fact that I cared what others thought about myself.

Doesn't this seem a little... contradictory? >.>

 

Because I see the chance to control it, and that said control can be favorable to me. I tend to care about things when I can manipulate them to make the world a place I am more comfortable in.

Letting others exist who perceive me in ways that I dislike is like keeping an ugly piece of furniture in your house. I would rather have a perfect house, thank you...

You specifically are not a threat to me, but you do represent some negativity. Most people present a threat to me, is what I meant.

The fact that you believe mad men exist is saddening. It shows that you believe there are people who either cannot or are do not deserve to be understood. That there are people who are outside of 'acceptable' reality.

While I get angry, and I dislike, and I wish to destroy that which I dislike, I will never claim objective superiority over these things. Including "mad men". There are clever men and stupid, and mature and immature men, but never will you hear me call someone insane or mad.

Knowledge of pain is knowledge as well as knowledge of pleasure. I would be betraying my belief in duality if I were to seek only one side of the spectrum. I desire, I want, all. I desire, I want, nothing. I desire to satiate my desires so that there may be nothing left for me but death.

I am in control if I know, for I can disregard something only if I know what it is. I can be at peace only after my curiosity is sated. Even the most terrible things are better known than wondered about. Nothing is more painful than not knowing.

I have observed that if you can find what a person wants, you can predict how they will react to most situations. You can also reverse engineer this process to find out what someone wants based on the actions they take. This is far more efficient than other methods of understanding and more importantly helping people. Let us say that "I hate my parents". Why do I hate them? It must be because I want something from them that I am not getting. Find out what what is, and you can solve the problem as efficiently as possible—because you understand why they treat their parents badly and so how to correct it without an endless list of trial and error methodology.

No...? Did you misunderstand me? I meant my sex as in whether I was male or female, not "how good I am in bed". Please be more clear about what you mean.

 

Makaze, I was a mad man. I was a man suffering from paranoia, delusions, hallucinations, flat emotions, all in what was later called Schizophrenia. It is not about denying it, but accepting it all. Through denial we run, and we feel pain, until it still eventually catches up. You must not try to destroy it, but embrace it. And then you will be able to control it.

You suffer from some type of paranoia to believe and perceive everyone as a threat, and that's not me being objective, it's just evident.
And you claim superiority by classing people as immature or stupid for that means they are less then what you are. Just because you don't use the category as insane or not, doesn't mean that you are exempt from classing people as having inferior skills or personality. You not better hen the rest of us. Otherwise you are suffering from delusions to think so.

And dont you dare say I believe there are people who either cannot or are do not deserve to be understood.
I've worked with over 50 autistic kids in the last 4 years, and I've seen all of their unique symptoms. And I 've understood how tough their lives are, how their parents lives are, how they will never live a normal life not because they can choose to change it, but because it is a part of who they are. Don't not misunderstand or presume me or put words into my mouth, like you keep doing.

 

lol this thread is still alive.

 

It is not about denial or acceptance. Sanity and insanity are "normative" and "extremist". Change the normative value to paranoia, and what is healthy now will be called insane. There are no 'unhealthy' states of mind unless you consider the stress each brings and how it affects your chances of surviving as long as possible.

I claim that my choices are superior. If I did not believe that that they were better than others', then I would either choose their path or dwell infinitely without moving forward until I was able to objectively define one choice as more efficient to my goals.

What I define as stupid and/or immature in people is as follows.

• When someone's goal is the same as mine and they take inefficient means towards it, rejecting clearly more efficient means to the same result in the name of "sticking to values", which actually means "sticking to methods".
• When someone's goals and sensibilities are the same as mine, but instead of admitting this they choose to claim that their goals are different because they would rather believe that then change the way they act.
• When someone denies to themselves that they can be understood by others or that they can be treated as a number.
• When someone knowingly takes a less efficient path of communication and then demands that you understand it as well as a clear-cut explanation. For example, lying to you and then blaming you for not seeing through it.
• And so on.

All of these are matters of choice. I hope you can see why I must evaluate why one choice is better relative to a goal than others.

I would not call myself paranoid because I do not fear anything but regret. It is more like anger or distaste. I view people as objective threats to my happiness because I dislike the things they are doing and plan to do, not because I fear them. I would prefer that they cease their continued existence as threats and become more peaceful.

If you believe that the majority of the race is peaceful, then please demonstrate how I am not in danger.

You must not know me well enough.

 

Lol okay do what you want

 

As always...

 

Alright, you're repeating yourself about your ideals and how you defend them, and I'm just going to be repeating myself in how I see contradictions and problems, and so on.

No point continuing in a continual rift. That is the definition of insanity, funnily enough.

 

It is giving up that upsets me. Why do you accept some progress as good enough? There is nothing more aggravating than the possibility that someone else is right hanging there with no resolution.

My defenses will either succeed or fail. There can be no infinite chain of equal validity. Accepting such a chain is a rationalization made by those who have lost the will to go on. Losing the will does not make the ending nonexistent. Believing it is nonexistent only makes you feel better about dropping it.

I would rather continue the interactive rift than be in turmoil without observable progress.

To be more clear, perhaps I wish to be proven wrong, not just realize that I am wrong. I want you to best me, so that I will wonder no longer. But you quit ahead of time. You believe you cannot, that "I will never come around".

It is very disappointing...

I take no pleasure in losing a fight if I must throw the game to lose it. I will do the thing that I fear most, and that is regret my decision.

 

I'm sure the chain will be broken, not by me, but by time itself. It needs to wear and rust, before it can shatter and break away from it's current state of strength and endurance.

And if you're using me to simply keep you entertained, becasue you're bored, then I'm sorry I disappoint.
But don't expect the world to bend the way you wish it without being a part of it.