~*My poems~*

Discussion in 'Archives' started by Sakura Angel, May 25, 2010.

  1. Technic☆Kitty Hmm

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    Okay, not sure if they are poems or what but it sounds like some form of haiku to me :sweatdrop: hhhmmmmm???? Anyways, they were good. I didn't really see any spelling errors and since (I think) its in Haiku form you needn't worry about the grammar. ^_^ Great job
     
  2. Styx That's me inside your head.

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    I'd say they are poems. You opted for a more direct approach, as opposed to pompour imagery, but they are definitely poems. Pretty good ones too. I like the twist at the end of the first.
    Secondly, I see you've chosen to put all your poems in one thread. That's a wise decision, but then I suggest giving your poems a title. It needn't even be a well-contemplated one (but all the better if it is). It's just convenient if a reader wants to refer to one of your older poems.
    It's not haiku. Not by a long shot.
     
  3. Hitokiri Shinigami Shinta The Demon Slayer

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    Also, you need to remember that a poem is supposed to rhyme! ^_^
     
  4. Styx That's me inside your head.

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    No it doesn't. Where did you get that? There are tons of beautiful poems out there that don't have a rhyme scheme whatsoever.
     
  5. Hitokiri Shinigami Shinta The Demon Slayer

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    Really? O.o I seriosluy don't understand the concept of a poem that doens't rhyme...That makes it not feel like a real poem in my opinion. I think that makes it look like someone is either talking to themself or rehearsing their lines for part of a movie...>_>
     
  6. Technic☆Kitty Hmm

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    Okay I am sorry but honestly how could you never have read poems that don't rhyme . . . I do it all the time. Anyway it isn't about rhyming it is about how you choose your words and place them in a way that moves the intended audience. To be honest, I think the weakest poems are the ones that rhyme. It is easy to get peoples attention by simply rhyming words but if you can move a group of people just by placing words in the correct order and getting your point through without the use of simple tricks (rhyming) then you are a true poet. Go read some Shakespeare man, he has a lot of stuff that doesn't rhyme. Apparently there are some people who just don't get the real power of words.
     
  7. Sakura Angel Traverse Town Homebody

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    The Good and The Bad.

    A good life shold be full of happniess
    Full of fun
    Full of love
    Full of kindness
    And full of acceptance

    A badlife is full of hatred
    Full of jealousy
    Full of envy
    Full of lust
    And full of judgment

    Those with the good lives are lucky
    They get to be happy
    They get to be crazy
    And they get to be loved

    Those with bad lives are treated poorly
    Are left out
    Are hated
    And being unloved.

    A new poem? been a long while. I Doubt this one is any good.
     
  8. Technic☆Kitty Hmm

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    I like it, though there are a few mistakes. You spelled acceptance, ecceptance and you forgot a be in "They get to (be) happy". Other than that it is very good ^_^
     
  9. Roxas&Sora4E Traverse Town Homebody

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    Uhm, you just need to fix "shold" into "should".
    Other than that, I really like it.
    Great work...XD :noworries:
     
  10. Sakura Angel Traverse Town Homebody

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    Been a while sence I've posted here ; ;. This is really small but I hope people like it. Merry Christmas everyone cx


    Chistmas is the day

    Christmas is the day

    Where we stop and say

    Thank you Lord Jesus for this wonderful day

    You where born on Christmas day

    Diaper and all

    But really Lord Jesus

    Thank you for saving us all.