omg, guys, help!

Discussion in 'Help with Life' started by Lauriam, Dec 8, 2013.

  1. Lauriam I hope I didn't keep you waiting...

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    So there's this guy who's been coming to my church over the past few weeks, who liked me almost immediately. I mean, like, really likes me. He's been complimenting me, even onto the point of this morning telling me that I'm the coolest girl he's ever met. I've known about it like the whole time he's been coming, he just likes me. Well, today he texted me saying that he wanted to ask me something, but gets really nervous around me, so he wants to talk on Wednesday. Then he texted my little sister and asked her to tell me that he likes me. The thing is, the feeling isn't mutual. I mean, he seems like a really nice guy, and I do want to befriend him, but I'm not attracted to him at all and I know that things just wouldn't work out between us.
    And it's not even that I'm going by looks or anything, really, I've had crushes on guys before that had nothing at all to do with how they looked. But speaking on an emotional level, I feel nothing towards him except for maybe a comradeship. I think the biggest reason he likes me is he's never met someone who rocked geek so hard. Pretty much, the majority of his compliments have revolved around my being a geek and proud of it. He respects that I know who I am and am not afraid to show it.
    But even in geekism being the one thing we have in common, we're not even into the same stuff. He's not a Trekkie, he doesn't follow Doctor Who, He likes Star Wars but I get the impression it's more of a "meh" thing with him. He can talk about comic book superheroes, but if he does have the same liking that I do (could never afford the comics but latched onto the movies and fanfic and google-power with a passion bordering on blind obsession) he's hidden it pretty well. He does like the Harry Potter books, though, so that's a thing. But then he said that his eyes would burn out if he had a little sister who watched My Little Pony. So, pretty much, he likes me for being who I am and feels he relates, but when it comes down to it, we have nothing in common. And yeah, I know that opposites attract, but there's gotta be something more than Harry Potter there or it just won't work.
    So I don't intend to accept his potential offer to go out, but I have no idea how to say no. Nobody's ever asked me out before. This is all new. And I want to be honest with him, I don't want to cop out and say something like "I'm just not looking for a relationship right now." Especially as there are two other guys I know who I would go with if they asked me. So I want to be honest with this guy, but I want to be tactful and kind in my rejection. Please, help me out, and quickly. I'm not sure he'll wait 'till Wednesday.
     
  2. Loxare Hollow Bastion Committee

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    Tell him right off that you're not interested in a relationship. Don't start a relationship with him if you don't like him because it will be insanely difficult to break it off later. Say that you're interested in being friends. And then be friends with him. If he isn't willing to be friends, he's not worth dating. And who knows, once you're friends, he could share his comics with you and you could share your interests. But make sure you're up front about the not-interested-in-him thing. It'll be painful to tell him and painful for him to hear, but better in the long run.

    Good luck Cap'n!
     
  3. Ienzo ((̲̅ ̲̅(̲̅C̲̅r̲̅a̲̅y̲̅o̲̅l̲̲̅̅a̲̅( ̲̅̅((>

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    This is hard and it will be tough but as Loxare said, it's much better to be upfront and tell him straight. It would be better to be friends and get to know him better than rush into something you don't want as it wouldn't work.

    Perhaps let him ask and tell him that you are flattered but if you said yes then you would just end up hurting him so much more than the pain he feels now, you think he's a great guy but you just don't see him in that way and you're really sorry but you would love to stay friends. You could also praise him for how brave he is in asking you as lots of people would never have the guts to do that but you think you'll get on better as just friends.

    Good luck, I hope things work out well.
     
  4. Lauriam I hope I didn't keep you waiting...

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    This is excellent advice, and I thank you for it. Unfortunately, I was right in my suspicions that he wouldn't wait until Wednesday, he texted me last night when I was on my way to a Christmas party, and said he wanted to be more than a friend. I told him I was sorry, but I wasn't really interested. I said I wanted to stay friends, and I thanked him for being honest. I kinda copped out a little in one respect, though. I said "I'm not going to say never, just not right now." Because really, I've only known him for a couple of weeks. I told him that I take things very slowly, and that I wanted to hang out as friends for awhile longer before we think about anything else. Who knows? The future could lead us somewhere someday. Just, like I said, not right now. But now I feel a bit guilty, almost as if I'm leading him on. Ugh. ANYWAY. It's over for now. We're gonna give "just friends" a try and see how it all works. Any advice for the inevitable distant future will be appreciated, until then, thanks for this advice, perhaps it will be useful to me again someday. :)
     
  5. Ienzo ((̲̅ ̲̅(̲̅C̲̅r̲̅a̲̅y̲̅o̲̅l̲̲̅̅a̲̅( ̲̅̅((>

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    Nicely handled I'd say, I hope he took it well. My advice is just go along as friends, it's going to be hard because it's irrefutable that he has feelings for you but you never know, one day in the future when you get to know him better then you may like him back but don't force it as that won't end well. If he does bring it up again or is incessant on his deep feelings for you then I would tell him straight that he shouldn't hold his breath, it's not likely to happen. He will be hurt but it's better than leading him on and I know how tempting it is to let them continue to have feelings for you as it's like a constant compliment (unless this is just me and I am just that insecure about boys fancying me O.o) but it's better in the long run.

    Don't worry, hopefully this whole situation will be short lived.
     
  6. Lauriam I hope I didn't keep you waiting...

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    Yeah, well, at first he said he understood, but then last night he texted me asking what I had meant. He said he was confused by what I said. So, thinking of what you guys said, I told him straight out that I was flattered, but that I didn't feel like that about him, and just wanted to be friends for now. So, now I've cleared it up a bit more.