Peace Up. A Town.

Discussion in 'Departure Hall' started by ♥♦♣♠Luxord♥♦♣♠, Jul 30, 2018.

  1. ♥♦♣♠Luxord♥♦♣♠ Chaser

    Jan 13, 2009
    Good evening people of KHV. I'm about to make some people really happy.

    Tonight I want to shed some light on a few things many if not most of you have been in the dark about. Staff and regular members alike. See for about a year or so now or whenever the big "fight" happened, I have been struggling quite a bit personally. As it turns out when you mix high levels of stress, no breaks, and being too damn sensitive all the time, your vital signs start to get into the stupid zone. Lo and behold the admin who once ran a half marathon now had the blood pressure of a very unhealthy elderly man.

    There are multiple tiers to the problems I have had with my experience as an admin so I kinda just want to break it down section by section.

    Problem 1: If you didn't have a friend on the inside, the rules were applied to you as normal.

    Contrary to popular belief, my life's goal isn't to rock the boat and make people I don't care for miserable. I am actually quite the softie, which is I am ALSO to blame for this issue. The fact of the matter is, the cliques formed on discord in a very rapid pace. We would see members saying vile things that would normally get an infraction on the spot without hesitation, but when that person spitting fire happened to be buds with the staff members they got a little more breathing room. This created a dance where one could go in on somebody, back off for a bit, let the infractions/warnings/random chat messages expire, then repeat.

    As it turns out this can actually create tension within the staff team when one staff member enforces the rule on another staff member's friend and vise versa. It is disingenuous to not at least admit that this was incredibly rampant on many sides while the discord chat was active.

    Problem 2: Scapegoats abound!

    In the early stages one of the things I heard all the time from staff members, regular members, etc was that "discord is killing KHV", which was never really something I agreed with. The only thing discord did damage to was the lounge, which doesn't take up the entire website. Now Obviously Discord handles casual conversation better than KHV ever has. There is no denying this. So my thought was, why don't we make our "product" something other than casual and quick conversation. Content creation was the goal, and while not impossible, it would seem we didn't have the right hands for the job. There was a hyper focus on moderating the website (which was admittedly dead) and hiding out in the staff chat on discord (which created a divide between staff and userbase).

    KHV was always doomed to fail if we didn't bring anything to the table, and while on site events are great, they are mostly for the users that already exist here. Keeping those members entertained and happy is important, very important, but the goal of growth was never really attempted in a way that would yield results.

    Problem 3: The divide

    This one probably isn't going to make the staff very happy, but it needs to be said. I've spoken to a handful of members (well, more than that who I have mentioned multiple times in the staff section) who feel that certain ideals were imposed on the userbase. Ideals that went beyond the scope of simple rule enforcement. This would also bring about rulings that benefit said ideals, making them concrete and absolute by extension. People were often grouped up and isolated. Their opinions, beliefs, needs, none of it mattered because it didn't line up with what some people thought was an absolute.

    While I'm not here to debate morality or ethics, one thing I can say is that the cliquey attitude that fell upon the community far surpassed things we've seen before. When one clique makes up the majority of the people that enforce the rules, people walk out the door. This much is evident considering several replacement chats have been made and are thriving. I would know, I'm in one. I'm sure a lot of you are too.

    So why give up? I'll tell ya why.

    Throughout my time on KHV I have felt increasingly more and more alone. I've been condemned within the staff chat, dragged through the mud publicly by staff members and users alike, have made major sacrifices to my health, time, and financials (which doesn't count, I guess) -- yet despite all of this I am a "problem" Admin. I have seen staff members outraged with my absence over the summer despite the average "last message" date of the entire staff team to me being Feb. 2018. A simple message could have found out that I was dealing with multiple friends almost dying, losing my grandmother to dementia and Alzheimer's, and not feeling too great myself.

    I've learned that I should be spending my time around people who care, not those who do not.

    As of today I am resigning. It's been real KHV.
  2. Lauriam I hope I didn't keep you waiting...

    Jun 4, 2009
    Nonbinary she/he/it?
    I just wanted to testify to the truth of Lux's statements here. He's completely right, about everything.

    The sheer level of character slander I've seen against Lux for the past year and longer is downright reprehensible and I've found myself disgusted and horrified to the point of being physically ill at times. I got to know him pretty well over my short time as staff and I want to say right now that he's one of the strongest persons I've ever met, and I'm proud to have worked with him even if things didn't turn out the way we'd at first planned.

    I'd also like to confess at this time that some of "my" ideas I've had over the past year were actually Lux's. Due to his portrayal as a "problem admin," he was often shot down before he even had the chance to speak, while if I said the exact same thing and phrased it differently I was given a green-light. So sometimes if we were discussing some problem and Lux had a solution, he would tell me, and I would relay it to everyone else as if it were my idea, and then it would get done.

    He's also right about the member divide, something I found to be equally reprehensible, and tried my hardest to abolish, heaven knows if I ever made any difference. Sometimes it felt like I had, but other days, the divide felt heavier than ever. Lux worked harder than anyone I've met to bridge the gap, he always listened to the members and tried to mediate fairly no matter who was on each side. He was always there for me when I had a problem, before and after I was on staff, and he always found a good solution for us. The narrative that has been so carefully and pervasively crafted against him has been nothing but false and I stake my character on that statement. I was not at liberty to speak openly about it before but it's true.

    Losing Lux is a bigger blow than anyone could ever realize. He cared about this site as much if not more than I do, and after everything he's been through, I'm shocked he put up with it this long.

    Lux, I'm sorry for my own silence these past few months. I mistakenly thought I was helping you, I thought you needed distance, so I was trying to shoulder as much of the burden as I could and not bother you with things I felt you didn't need dragging you down. Perhaps if I'd looked at things differently, things might have ended differently for both of us. I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother and your friends. If you want someone to just listen, you can DM me. If you still have my number, you can text me too.

    I don't blame you for your absence. I never have. After everything I even knew about that you went through, I considered it inevitable and not your fault at all, and I should have realized there was even more going on than that. I'm sorry.

    Please take care of yourself. I'm so grateful for everything you've done for me and everything you've taught me, and I hope we can continue being friends after everything settles. You're more important to me than I can say, and I hope things can start to get better for you from here on out.
  3. C This silence is mine

    Sep 30, 2006
    I'm just here for the butts
  4. Ienzo ((̲̅ ̲̅(̲̅C̲̅r̲̅a̲̅y̲̅o̲̅l̲̲̅̅a̲̅( ̲̅̅((>

    Mar 25, 2007
    In your breadbin
    I have not been around in the last year but I have always had such immense respect for you Lux, you always had so much going on but despite that, you persevered and did well. It saddens me to hear you were just not listened to and just a victim of a crappy label but I have no doubt that you put your all into this site and you have obviously not got anything back from it.

    I at least hope this isn't goodbye! But you have come to a conclusion that is right for you and for that you are definitely doing the right thing.
  5. Odamadillo Twilight Town Denizen

    Jun 6, 2008
    Here, there and everywhere.
    I may not known to you. But I can honestly say I am disgusted to learn all this. I am sorry for the way you have been treated and wish I had a chance to get to know you. Do what you feel is best for you and take care.
  6. Shiki my waifu is better than yours, thanks

    Jun 3, 2007
    The Future
    what the **** is wrong with people
    like what the **** is so wrong with all these people that they decided making lux out to be a bad person was a good thing

    give me one thing lux has done that's so bad

    i remember lux being a cool person so what the hell
  7. Maka Albarn It's called love

    May 7, 2008
    Fairy Tail
    I honestly only came back to find a few old friends and keep them close so I won't lose them again. But I remember respecting and looking up to you quite a bit Lux. I haven't really reached out to you, and I wish I did earlier before you left. I understand why though, and I hope you recover soon.

    Corruption's been around the corner for a while now on this site. I've seen close friends of mine go on staff and grow so distant with me that we never really talk again because how draining it is. There were times a couple years ago I was on the beating side of the stick if I reported something to staff, the person got in trouble, and then it would be found out I said something.

    We're going to miss you terribly, and I'm sorry you had to go through so much crap these past couple of years. I wish you well and a speedy recovery from all of this.
  8. ShibuyaGato Transformation

    May 1, 2009
    I hate that things ended up this way. I hate that people had the gall to judge and deny you like that when you've had good intentions and already been through so much. I hate that it had to come to this.

    But I understand. I don't like it in the slightest, but I get it. Take care of yourself and take the time you need to grieve. I'll be here if you want to chat after that.
  9. Technic☆Kitty Hmm

    Apr 2, 2010
    Indiana, USA
    Well, I'm just going to go ahead and assume this site isn't going to recover from this. Lux, we never really talked but it's a shame that you had to suffer so much hardship, especially when you were devoting your time and resources for free. I've been on again off again with this site for years and I missed a lot of the "events" you spoke of over the last year or so. Like I told Maru and Heart, just do you. Be yourself and don't let other peoples negativity bring you down. Life is too short to get caught up on making everyone else happy because you never will. I've tried and it never happens. Someone will always find something to be mad or upset about. Follow your path.

    I guess I'll take the out here too. This place isn't the boards I used to roll on anymore. Too much has changed. Like Lux and several others, I'm gonna peace. Been real. One love.

    For those who want to reach me, you know how.
  10. Korosu Kingdom Keeper

    Dec 27, 2009
    United Kingdom

    Take care of yourself.
  11. Advent 【DRAGON BALLSY】

    Feb 24, 2007
    Overcooked poptart