Discussion in 'Archives' started by Heaven's Angel, Aug 6, 2008.

  1. Heaven's Angel Kingdom Keeper

    Sep 30, 2007
    Making AMVs. :P
    Sitting alone in a peaceful meadow,
    Sweet aroma of violets,
    Bright green grass,
    The beauty's exhilarating.

    A feeling consumes me,
    Nobody understands.

    I stand up and shout to the world,
    No one hears me.
    I continue to scream,
    Still, nobody understands.

    I try so hard,
    How do I express myself?
    Frustration building,
    Nothing works.

    Trapped behind iron bars,
    Unable to speak,
    Sitting in my peaceful meadow,
    Where written words are my only true voice.

    A school assignment... CnC please? :D

    and please don't just say "It was good" or "it sucked"... please give me constructive critiscism... I am trying to better myself as a writer, so I would like any critiscism, I don't care how harsh it is... Thanks. ^^
  2. Asylum Destiny Islands Resident

    Jul 27, 2008
    In the Head Office of my Asylum.
    I really enjoyed the last line a lot. But the first verse/paragraph was a little odd because after talking about beauty, I felt as if you just jumped to hate. Overall, it was a really beautiful poem. I hope you get a good mark ^^.