Role Play Idol [Season One] Challenge #3

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Updates!


Hello, all! So sorry for the delay. I've had some things with Irene to try to sort out. If any of you have similar concerns let me know and we'll figure something out for you.

Alright! So last week was very interesting. I'll restate that two people were disqualified, and Fuuka Yamagashi and Shell Bullet are no longer in the competition. Other than that, you all did extremely well last week. You worked well with interaction, and the ones in the bottom;

Britishism, Master of Keyblades, Dr_Wigglz and Tummer have been given another chance this week to show us what they've got! [Arch's idea.]

But this time, for elimination TWO of you will be voted off.

As always, some things on judging are addressed in the spoiler below.

Your judges for Season One will now be the mysterious FuzzyBlueLights, the role play veteran Prince, and the tasty Ploo-Hems.

For any of you concerned with biased or unfair judging, SOME of my rules and regulations for them specifically can be found in the spoiler tag. Any unfair treatment will result in the forced resignation of said judge, no exceptions. They've all agreed to the below.

Spoiler: Judging guidelines

Being a judge in itself can sound pretty liberating. But it's really not all fun and games. I have quite a few things to let you guys know, but we'll keep it as simple as possible for now. Obviously, this group was made for a reason. To share information and discuss things together between ourselves. You four are the judges. Keep in mind this makes your opinions influence the other members, and also puts you in a position of responsibility.

You are to be f a i r. When you judge others posts, it has nothing to do with who they are, or if you like them, their literacy, if you've seen them before, how often they role play, blah. I mean, when you really judge them, it's unbiased.

You are to be h u m b l e. Being in any kind of position of power might boost your ego more so than it may already be boosted. Just make sure you realize we're all just members here. Respect each other. It is important not to discourage anyone, or make them feel like they're unimportant, unworthy, or anything negative. Please use caution and think before you hit 'submit'.

You are to be be l a w f u l. The next thing I'll cover are some basic guidelines. Rather, areas you'll actually be judging. [...CONT'D ELSEWHERE]

The Challenge

This challenge will not be a pairing challenge. After last week, we want to see some more individual character development, and when better to see your true colors but in a dangerous situation? Time to get your adrenaline pumping, guys! I've been throwing a lot of 'fantasy' genre type role plays out at you, so here's another one. But they won't always be so unrealistic.

In this challenge, you're in a role play where your character's loved one (lover, family, friend) has been kidnapped by some evil sorcerer guy! LE GASP. The only way to get to them is to finish a series of tasks set up by the sorcerer himself. You are now approaching the very first task. You must slay a deadly, humongous, fire-breathing dragon.

Now keep in mind, your task in the role play is to slay it. But your character doesn't have to. Put yourself into your characters shoes. They're inexperienced, but they want to save that special someone. Be as realistic as possible, while keeping your characters personality in mind. Along with this, you may dive right into the fight if that suites the character's personality.

You have been given ONE weapon to work with. You may chose this. I'll trust you all not to pick some horrible godmod of a weapon.

Not only is this an evaluation of how your character reacts to immediate danger; but we'll be looking at who's the most creative with what they're given, and how they incorporate the danger into their decision and character's monologue. Feel free to think outside of the box.

If you need more clarification, please contact me.


Rules or restrictions for this Challenge.


♣ You cannot interact with ANYONE else. It's you alone. Not your other character, either. Though they can be who was taken from you.

♣ Remember that this is a competition. Try your best to impress me, and the judges. If you're not trying, it will be evident.

♣ Posts count, so be relevant. Please don't spam questions in this thread about this challenge, contact me personally.

♣ You have until AUGUST 30TH, 2011 to post. Preferably before then, because we want as much time as possible for the judging process. <: If you do not make that deadline, you are disqualified.

♣ Be creative and have fun! It is a competition, but it's also about being creative, original and letting loose.

♣ Graphics are okay to use if you want them. But I'm not making them for anyone in this competition. And if you use them, you're not scoring any extra points with the judges. I've made it clear that graphics does not equal superior.

♣ Post your posts in this thread, below my post.

♣ Once you submit, that's your post. You can edit spelling errors and such, but please don't add more on. Only because it would be unfair to post, compare to everyone elses post and edit more in based off of what other people post.

♣ Only use ONE of your characters, you may chose which.

♣ No godmodding!

Members who have yet to post...

Bushy Brow - Izzy Kumo [m] + Ilia Kumo [f]

Marushi - Lance [m] + Kara [f]

Dr_Wigglz - Gexln [m] + Rosalina [f]

master of keyblades - Allen [m] + Mina [f]

Britishism - Rory [m] + Keira [f]

Ace Phoenix - Kyatchi [m] + Mizume [f]

theonly9one - Heather [f] + Brad [m]

Tummer - Hannah [f] + Luis [m]

Happy role playing. :]

 

(Ok, just going to point out the character of Gexln wouldn't really have a loved one, so this is the moment Rosalina makes her debut!)

Rosalina's jaw dropped at the sight of the green, scaly dragon. It was huge, roughly as big as a two story building. Suddenly the metal staff she had been given felt very, very small. Her legs shook as she slowly walked over to the dragon. "But...but i can't hurt a living creature! IT'S SO CUTE!" she yelled, tears flowing down her face. Rosalina, being of a gentle, caring nature, was against violence of all sorts, yet if she didn't slay the dragon her cousin would surely die. "Oh what am i supposed to do?!" she exclaimed through a stream of tears, collapsing onto the ground. She threw away the weapon she had been given, the staff making a dull clanging noise as it hit the ground.

Rosalina stared up at the sky, her cheeks wet from the tears. "Why are you doing this to me?!" she yelled out. She thought of her cousin. Her cousin had been favored in the family, always the one that got all the attention. Rosalina couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy, yet at the same time she couldn't just abandon her family. She looked at the dragon, it just staring at her. Clearly it didn't see her as threatening, and why would it? I can't hurt it..especially with a metal pole! she thought to herself. She grabbed the metal staff and stood up. "I'm..i'm sorry Mr. Dragon..but i have to save my cousin" she said through tears. She walked over to the dragon. "I'M SORRY!" she yelled out as she swung the staff down, it recoiling off the dragon's hard skin and hitting herself in the head, rendering her unconcious.

 

Aw come on. Allen thought seeing the giant black scaled dragon standing in front of him. Its red eyes stared at him with the intent to kill while smoke continued to flow out of his mouth everything he breathes. Not wasting any time, Allen took cover behind a nearby rock as the dragon began to send its flames at him. "When this is over, you owe me big time.” He said as the dragon changed the direction of the flames and aimed them at the rock he was hiding at. Looking at all the skulls that surrounded the dragon, he wondered exactly how many people had tried to kill this dragon. The black dragon stop its onslaught of flames long enough that it could that a deeper breath and blew an even more powerful flame, causing the rock Allen was behind to slowly melt away. Moving away from the melting rock, Allen found himself right in front of the beast with no cover as it let out one more breath of flame towards him. Reacting quickly, Allen grabbed the broadsword that was attached to his back and placed it in front of him as a makeshift shield.


Once the flames subsided, the dragon not only found that Allen was still standing, but that he was also still alive. Moving the broadsword from in front of him, he stared right into the eyes of the dragon before falling to his knees. “Crap, I must’ve taken more damage than I thought.” He said looking at his body. That last attack had left his clothes singed and the skin on his left arm and a small part of his face chard. Mustering all the strength he had left, Allen managed to get up off the ground and looked at the tower his sister was being held at. "You better make sure nothing happens to you until I get their!” He shouted at the tower before putting the sword in a fighting position and charging at the dragon.

 

Why did things have to go from bad to worse huh?

So... Let's recap shall we?
My innocent and lovely, never would hurt a fly, twin sister is kidnapped by some psychopath wizard/sorcerer freak.
And to save her, I have to slay a huge mother fucking dragon.
But to top it all off, like this is some sort of sick joke. My weapon... is a thin little teeny tiny twig.
I mean what the hell is up with that?!

Izzy seemed to roar this into his own mind as the dragon he was facing was roaring at him too.
He had to leap to the side to avoid a jet of fire several times bigger than him, and even then he still felt the intense heat lick at his skin.
He could smell the horrible smell of burning sulphur and material that the dragon was emitting.
He threw his twig at the dragons eye which just bounced off like it was nothing, it didn't bother the dragon in the slightest.
Izzy had never seen a real life Dragon before, this one looked like a traditional Chinese Dragon. So... it was snake like and very long.
However, this was not the time to be in marvel of such a beast. Izzy had to dive to the side again as the Dragon charged, this time he was batted across the other side of the arena.
Oh yeah, that's right. The weird freaky wizard guy had also put them in an arena for this so it would be like some weird Colosseum battle from ancient Greece.
Personally, Izzy much preferred to watch TV or play video games for his entertainment.

...No matter, he couldn't let himself get sidetracked. He was his sisters only hope. Albeit, he was deeply wishing that the wizard guy would realise that he had kidnapped the wrong person and would just let them both go. Alive, preferably.
But wishful thinking would get him nowhere, although he was facing a Dragon. Wishful thinking was all he had.
Sure, he had martial arts training, but what good did that do except give him decent stamina.
He couldn't run forever!
...Or could he?

That was it!

He ran towards the dragon, leaping in and out of the different folds in it's body.
Weaving in and out of it's strikes and flaming attacks.
Clambering around to just stay alive.
Thank god for TV giving him this idea, this would hopefully save his life. Although he had spoken too soon as he got smacked away again and into the ground hard.

Sheesh... it feels like several of my ribs just went south for the winter. he groaned.
Now the Dragon's face was right above him.
"Hey... can I offer you a breath mint buddy?" Izzy joked, but it was true, breathing fire did indeed leave bad breath apparently.
The Dragon cocked it's head to the side for a second, almost in confusion before it snarled at him again.

Izzy stared into the face of death above him.
He glared into the face of death above him.
He spat into the face of death above him.

The dragon roared in disgust.
Any second now, the fire would come...
But that was what Izzy had been waiting for. Suddenly, the Dragon started to bulge in place. It's fire couldn't get out, for Izzy's dodging the entire time had caused the Dragon to become a knotted tangled mess. The fire that couldn't escape was building up like a huge pressure in the Dragon's body. Youch! That must have hurt.
The Dragon reared back in it's shock before collapsing next to the young boy, apparently unconscious or dead from the effort. Whichever it was did not matter to Izzy.
The first task had been completed.

 

The note was folded up neatly in his pocket, not like he still needed it. He had every word memorized; he must have read it a hundred times. When he closed his eyes, he could still see every word, every letter.

Lose something?
Perhaps I have what you’re looking for.
I would very much like to return this item to you,
But I’m afraid nothing in this life is easy.
If you want to find your “Damsel in Distress”,
There are a few things you must do for me.
Your first task: Slay my dragon.
Among his treasure hoard, you will find a silver gem incrusted goblet.
Bring that to me to prove your success.
I have often heard that love is greater than any weapon,
So I leave you to fight with only your “Lance”.

Yours truly,
Theodosius Jucentius, Warlock Extraordinaire.

Lance opened his eyes and looked up at the mountain in front of him. There was a cave about twenty feet up the mountainside; he could only assume that it was the dragons cave. Taking a deep breath, he began the climb.

A few days ago, if you had told him he would be fighting a dragon to save his fiancé from a sarcastic wizard, He would have laughed in your face. But this wasn’t funny. This was real. He could feel every beat of his heart, and it hurt. Kara had been missing for two days. He felt almost dead, like it wasn’t really him that was moving. He couldn’t think of anything other than Kara. Was she alright? Was she scared? Did she know why she was being held? Did she know that he was on his way, that he was going to try and find her? He came to the opening in the cave. Inside all was dark; he could hardly see three feet in front of him. Cautiously, he walked in. suddenly a stench filled his nose and he gasped in surprise. Waste, burning waste mixed with heavy smoke and something else he had never experienced before in his life. He wasn’t sure what it was. It smelled sweet, so sweet it made him sick. Then he heard it. The sounds of an animal, a very large animal, moving around in the darkness. Suddenly, with a deafening roar, the entire cave was lit up with fire. In that moment, Lance saw the enormous cave filled with treasure beyond his imagination. And resting on that treasure, a beast, black as midnight and even larger than Lance had expected. His heart filled with terror as he saw the animal, and he almost turned back, but the thought of Kara gave him strength. He would fight for her, He would do all he could to get her back. Thinking of his Love, he stepped bravely into the dark.

 

Rule of improv: Pay attention; assess the situation.

The most obvious thing to assess was right in front of Brad, as huge gates were being opened to let the humongous beast with dark scales and sharp spikes covering it's back and even sharper teeth curled into a vicious smile leap right towards him. There were other, more subtle things to assess too, like the way the guards seemed to grip him tighter when they had walked past the thick wooden doors that lead to a tower that simply screamed 'HERE BE DAMSEL IN DISTRESS'. Not that Heather could be considered a damsel in distress, since spazzy ADHD-like behavior aside, the girl was as tough as you could get. In fact, Brad was fairly sure that if he'd manage to get past the guards at the small gate keeping him in this soon to be fiery pit of doom, he'd only need to round a corner before being greeted by an excited squeal, a bear-hug and the phrase, "Ohmigawd, I was getting kinda bored waiting here! Knocked out guards are seriously dull company!"

Still, Brad would be damned if he didn't at least try to save his best friend Greg's girlfriend, especially since said girlfriend was like a sister to him, and said best friend was lying on a dirty cot in a make-shift hospital tent with a fractured femur, ribcage and humerus (the results of an ill-fated attempt to beat some sense into the muscular guards keeping them from Heather).

Yes, assessing the situation was a very important thing to do. Too bad for Brad that his assessment became too focused on the small details, because he found himself assessing the scales of the dragon's tail quite intimately. Before he knew it, he'd been knocked several dozen feet away from that dingy sword that they'd given him, and he was facing a very pissed off dragon completely and utterly weaponless.

Rule of improv: Go with your gut.

Brad faintly remembered reading that dragons had sensitive ears. Brad also remember that the book had been a fantasy novel, but he had absolutely nothing else going for him at the moment. So he decided to do what he did best: wing it. He drew air into his lungs deeply, and in a split second decided on the melody and first few lines, and he started to sing from the bottom of his rapidly beating heart :

Please come and listen to my tale of woe,
before I'm turned into a pile of dough
All I want to do is help my friend,
without meeting a very ashy end

A wave of confusion swept through him as he finished the first verse. What the hell was I thinking?! I'm going to die in falsetto!

Brad suddenly heard his Theater Master's voice, as clear as it had been during his first class in the auditorium years ago:

Improv rule: Don't second guess yourself, so the audience won't do it either.

He felt his nerves melt away, and started to assess the situation. All the people watching him were utterly confused. Not a bad thing, as he could use the confusion to sneak off as soon as possible. The dragon however had parked itself right by the gate he needed to get through, but at least it wasn't advancing anymore. It seemed to be shaking it's head back and forth, huffing in what Brad could've sworn was annoyance, as if it were trying to get a ringing noise out of it's ears. With new found vigor, he continued the song.

I'm facing this dragon oh so vicious,
now what exactly will rhyme with vicious?
Maybe, kinda I could use salacious?
Now someone tell me the meaning of salacious!

Brad almost gleefully noted that quick pitch changes seemed to cause the dragon most grief, and he started to fully utilize his range of a countertenor. The beast began to stamp it's feet, and that was soon followed by pained writhing. The more he sang, the more distant his actual situation became, and he could practically feel Greg behind him, doing his best to harmonize and keep up with the nonsensical lyrics, he could practically see Heather in the dimly lighted audience, snorting into her illegally acquired drink.

How will I make this mighty dragon fall?
I'd like if I needn't put any effort in it at all!
Oh how will I succeed in this nasty sin?
I honestly can't let this beastly thing win!

At the third line he'd let his voice drop into a low rumble, only to belt out final note so high, he would have made most sopranos jealous. He was only mildly surprised when the dragon let out a pitiful keening moan, and had collapsed to the unstable ground, revealing a now broken gate with shocked guards cowering behind the wreckage. Fully reveling in the rush success had brought him, Brad rushed to his pathetic excuse of a sword, grabbed it, turned to his audience and delivered them his taunt:

"Give me liberty, or give me a bran muffin!"

With that, he rushed out of the pit, through the gates and into the dark corridors. Only then did the magnitude of what he had done reach his brain. Unfortunately, what also reached his brain was unbridled panic.

 

Hannah couldn't beleive that she had to fight a dragon of its size. It appeared to be the size of a large ship, as well as smelled like one. The scales seemd to be completely black, only the blood-red eyes making themselves known. It was late at night, which was the perfect cover for this fierce creature. Still, Hannah didn't dare show her enemy her true feelings. Her eyes were filled with firy passion as she ran towards her enemy.

"Hang on, Luis, I'm coming," Hannah muttered to herself as she lunged towards the beast.

A stream of fire spat out from the dark monster's mouth, hoaming towards Hannah. She was able to narrorly dodge the attack, jumping from a rock. It went exactly as she originally planned out. Since it was pitch black in the forest, she wasn't able to see the creature well. However, now that the sourrounding trees were on fire, it left the figure of the enemy completely exposed. The fire spread across the sourrounding trees, limiting the dragon's mobility. It's wingspan was cut, leaving it stuck in one place.

"Dumb creature," Hannah said with beads of sweat crawling down her face.

Every second wasted only fueled her desire to continue on. All she could care about now was the destination. There were many things that she didn't believe about the old mage, but a piece of her heart hoped that he was sincere about not harming Luis. She had to save him! It wasn't because he didn't know how to defend himself without her (although Hannah herself wasn't a veteran fighter). During the time of her journey, she realized that Luis wasn't just some friend to her; he was the only one who always stood by her at the end of the day. He was her supportive rock, even when she refused to have one. She was in love with him, and she was now also hurrying to tell him.

The fire spread further. She stared down at her own body, and then her sword. Hannah doubted that she had the strength to pierce through the black scales of the beast. So, how exactly do I beat this thing if I can't stab it?! The heat from the fire was getting to her. If she didn't make some kind of move soon, she would get light headed and probably faint. She searched, and found the smallest of openings in the trees around her that weren't on fire. She ran towards the opening, the dragon using its large talons to strke at her. It narrowly missed, but Hannah still lost balance and dropped her sword. In a blind fury, she left the blade lying benieth the dragon, making it safely to the opening. Her speed increased as she was ready to move on to her next task.

 

"Okay. Deep breath." I whispered, pushing her hair over my shoulder. My grip on the bow was slowly weakening. The wind whistled around me, lifting and dropping the dead grass. As I stared into the eyes of the great beast in front of me, only one word was keeping me from fainting dead away. Rory.

I don't know why I was chosen. I don't know why they sent me out into the wilderness with a bow and arrow. I don't know if I'm going to survive. But right now, I know, I'm going to get to him. I'm going to get to Rory, and I'm going to save him.

The dragon's forked tongue flicked across my face, like a small child tasting its meal before dinner had begun. I'm trembling, and almost unable to aim the bow. "H-hey... Dragon." I say, attempting to sound intimidating. I don't think it's working. "I-I'm going... I'm going to kill you." I continue, mustering most of my strength.

I pull back the bowstring, aiming directly for its eyes. The monster seems to be enjoying itself, an almost childish look of frivolity flashing across its face. No. If I aim for the eyes, I'll miss. I can't stare into those things for long. I take a step back and point the weapon towards its long tongue. There. I release the string.

The arrow misses the dragon by a mile, digging itself into the dirt nearby. I stammer out a few swears, stumbling back into the dust. The dragon opens its mouth wide and roars, sending another tremor of fear into my being. I... I can use this. It stomps towards me, its mighty feet shaking the ground beneath us. I flip the bow around and push it straight into the beast's mouth.

It's jaws are stuck, the arrow lodged in his teeth. I crawl towards the first arrow and yank it out of the ground. This is it. This is my chance. I roll under its stomach, and stab the arrow into one of the slots between its scales. Blood pours out and sprays across my chest.

Minutes later, I cross the first task off the list. I did it. That's right, Keira, the smartest girl in class, just killed a dragon. "I'm on my way, Rory."



OOC: I wish I had time to make a graphic, but it took me a while to make the post itself.

 

He was blind. His sweat poured off his body, obscuring his vision as it plummeted down onto the scorched, dry land below. Kyatchi was on his knees gasping for breath. His arms bloody and scraped from his previous encounter. In one hand he held the double-bladed sword with the ruby and sapphire hilt he had acquired. His endeavor was to pass this barren wasteland as it was the only way to rescue Kazume. He tried to get up but found that he was unable to. Why did this have to happen to him? The memory of her kidnapping returned to his mind.

Kyatchi and Kazume had been meandering in a forest after finding each other in it's depths. They had only regrouped for a minute when out of nowhere Kyatchi was knocked down flat onto the ground. He tried to rise to his feet but found that his back howled in pain if he moved so much as an inch. He braved the pain and looked up from his soon to be grave to capture a glimpse of Kazume being carried of on the shoulders of a hooded man.

As they disappeared into the shadows he could hear the cackling of the man and Kazume crying out, "Kyatchi! Promise me you'll save me!" He stood up but swooned onto a nearby tree. It was as if his brain was attacking his head. A dark and all-consuming voice rose within him relaying instructions.

"Ha Ha Ha Ha HAAA. What a marvelous woman I have caught! It seems that it will take some time to... render her to my will. If you, one with much trust-worthy value cares to rescue this fair damzel, then by all means, come get her. Ha Ha HAAAA!" His mind emptied into nothingness. Not a sound could be heard in the forest nor could the sound of his heartbeat even reach his ears.

"Kazume," he muttered so quietly that even if someone was next to him it would have gone unheard. "KAZUMEEEEE!" He roared to the heavens. His eyes met the land ahead of him and he knew this was going to be no mere walk in the park. He marched forward, ignoring the pain from the previous attack, and continued going until he was in a village on the edge of the forest. There he told his story to some helpful villagers and they gave him a sword to help him with his quest as well as directions as to where this evil sorcerer resided. He continued on, until he reached a rocky wasteland. On top of a plateau he met his first challenge. ​

The memories left him and he glared at his bloody arms and then at the foul beast in front of him. The dragon stood two stories tall and was covered from head to toe in black, slime-dripping scales. Spikes exploded from it's back in random places and it's leather wings rose high into the sky. It roared into the clouds above while lashing it's tale in a frenzy.

Kyatchi, seeing this as the perfect moment, struggled to his feet, clenched his sword in his hand, charged forward with unbearable pain throughout his body, and shouted, "KAZUMEEEE!" With anger flowing throughout his body he came upon the dragon and aimed for it's neck but with blinding fast speed the beast swung around and smashed him with his tail, launching Kyatchi to the edge of the cliff. He slid all the way to the extremity of the plateau and barely managed to grab onto the end to avoid becoming soup on the ground one hundred feet below.

The dragon lit up the air around it, blasting fire to wherever it's head faced. Kyatchi started to ascend the side of the cliff as the dragon came towards him. It blazed the ground trapping it and Kyatchi onto a small segment for a final showdown. He finally climbed back up and found that his sword was ten feet away from him in the direction of the dragon. The dragon released an ear-exploding roar towards Kyatchi. Saliva fell out of it's mouth during it's roar as it sensed victory. It started flapping it's wings, creating strong gusts of wind and attempted to push Kyatchi over the edge. It rose and hovered about six feet in the air. Kyatchi braced himself against the blaring wind but it was hopeless. He dropped his head.

"Was this how it was going to end?" he thought, "With me dead by a dragon and Kazume being controlled by a mad sorcerer?" A tear escaped from his eyes and dropped to the ground.

"Kyatchi, I will catch your tears and you will never have to cry," rang out Kazume's voice within his head. Appalled at what he had just heard he looked up and all was calm. He could see her smiling on a sakura tree. Her hair blowing in the wind with her beckoning for him. Suddenly the reality of what was happening struck him.

"My promise..." he muttered. Kyatchi was about to break his promise. He could never let that happen. He could never allow Mizume get hurt. A strong gust released from the dragons constant flapping blew his sword into the sky. "Kazumeee!" he screamed, jumping and catching the sword in midair he ran towards the dragon, tears escaping from his eyes, and raised his sword. The dragon blew ever-increasing flames from it's mouth in an attempt to halt his charge, but Kyatchi would not be stopped. He dodge the flames and ran towards the beast's belly. He stabbed the sword into its stomach and shouted, "I will never break my promise!" He ran to the end of the dragon, dragging the sword inside it all the way. It screamed a defeating roar and fell to the ground. Kyatchi dodge the flailing dragon as it tried to regain its footing but before it could it tripped off the side of the plateau plummeting to the ground, blasting the sky with its final menacing roar.

Kyatchi breathed deeply, trying to relinquish the burst of energy he had just experienced. His vision blurred and he collapsed onto the floor. The sword fell away from him and he dropped his head uncaring for the current state he was in. He drifted off into a deep sleep. His sword gleamed in the light and started pulsating for its victory.

 

Critix

For Dr. Wigglz;

Spoiler

Danger was the key here. Not the defeat of the dragon. So it was cute when she defeated herself. Hoooowever, in an anime or something of the sort, characters are given entire episodes with which to think and lament about things without having to worry about the immense thing which is attempting to take their life. So simply put, try to be more realistic. For as soon as she decided to collapse on the ground there was a 80% chance of her going down the dragon's gullet.

For master of keyblades;

Spoiler

You've gotten exceedingly better as we've progressed, and I commend you for it.
Remember that "there" is what you wanted to use, for it is for places. Whereas "their" is for more then one person. The sword thing was a nice -Cloud Strife- like idea. The only flaw was that you didn't describe the blade therefore it baffles the read to think how'd that sword manage to block the flames of a dragon. You don't say how long or wide it is, nor if it was laced with fire blocking magic. So details like that would have made this piece much more enjoyable. Keep trucking.

For Bushy;

Spoiler

This is so you that I could imagine you reading it to me as I read this myself. No flaws here. Just Sheen-worthy Winning.

For Marushi;

Spoiler

The letter and the font for it were a wonderful touch and well thought out. True, you strayed from the theme to this challenge. But nothing else about it really popped for me. If you would have made him start to walk back and slowly but surely have him think of sweet and loveyish reasons to turn back around and then find himself unconsciously turned around and in front of the cave, I would have been sold! *What time is it? Romantic Time.*

For Chesterfield;

Spoiler

It is now confirmed. You are an author. "HERE BE DAMSEL IN DISTRESS. HERP." <--That's how I read it. And that's why I laughed. This was genius, from the Rules of Improv to the discriptions of this lovable post and let's not forget the remarkable details. Let's not forget the great song that comes with this post, for free! This piece has win here, it has when there, it wins, everywhere. Damn good job. *Fuzzy Out.*

For tummer;

Spoiler

I was like "Awww." When she revealed she was in love with Luis. But like Machina, I dunno what to think of this post. I can tell you tried. And that's good buuuuut where's this going? What I did like is that she escaped. That's all.

For Britishism;

Spoiler

Great effort on giving us insight into how she felt and how she was dealing with this danger. But the last two paragraphs confused me. Why flip the bow around when most users of archery hold their bows horizontally, which is perfect for shoving forward into the open maw of a dragon. Another thing is that the bow could have been made of wood, and if that were the case, then simply chomping down would have demolished it along with a gout of fire being sufficient to end her and the bow's life. I understand that the dragon may have had a weak spot in it's body that she knew about. But there was no statement that she rolled from under it. So I personally was thinking "lolsquashed" even after she "crossed the first task off her list" while "lolsquashed".

For Ace McPhoenix;

Spoiler

I wanted this post to win. >> I'm just letting you know, I wanted you to win. ANIMUUUU all the way in your story. And I loved it. You had a great short story right here. But it is a hugely over done thing. So the great and tremendous amount of effort you put into making your wonderful post should have been placed into something more original. No matter how much I liked your piece. KyatchixKazume 4ever

 

Jayn ;; Critiques

Spoiler: Dr_Wigglz

You've done very good with detail here. Also, like Arch said, the fact about the dragon not finding her threatening make sense and adds to the realisim. Howeverrrr. The challenge was danger. There's nothing in this post about her being afraid, or assessing how dangerous the situation was. It's just focusing on her being kind-hearted and not wanting to hurt the dragon.​

Spoiler: Master of Keyblades

I just want to commend you for your improvement. Looking back on your first RP idol post up until this one, you seem to have taken our critiques for what they were and sharpened your skill. As for a critique, as mentioned before, I corrected the 'their' to 'there'. Also, the sword shield was pretty unrealistic. xD You would have been scorched. But it was creative, so I'll give you that. ​

Spoiler: Bushy Brow

I found yours very cute. xD
Also, what tends to get me about your posts is though they are creative and fun, the format is a little odd. The paragraphs are broken up so that looking at it makes me feel like I'm looking at a poem, and not an RP post. This might just be a personal preference of mine, I don't know. There was only one spelling error that I corrected in red, there. As for ellipses, you've definitely cut down, but there are still quite a few unnecessary pauses.

Sooo, I've tried to edit this a bit. Take from it what you will. Your posts themselves are very witty and clever, and I enjoy that.​

Spoiler: Marushi

Yours was a tricky one for me. You've always been awesome with detail, etc. I love the letter. It was a nice touch. But, the challenge was danger. I feel like your the borderline. You did incorporate fear into your post, and you hinted at the danger. But was it actually there, is what gets me. I'm not sure if you captured the challenge in its entirety, but I thought you were very creative with what you did do. ​

Spoiler: Chesterfield

You're a very good writer, and with your creativity I think you have a shot at winning this thing. Like, a big shot. The post itself was remarkable. The only thing I have to say is that while your posts are great, I almost equate them with something I would read in one of the Prose contests on the site. I feel like I'm reading a book when I read your posts. Which is both good, and not-so-great. I do believe there's a difference between a book and a role play. This is something I personally struggle with myself when I role play. I'll write like a mini-chapter as a post at times, but because of that, I can come across as very intimidating and it's discouraging. I've been told some would prefer not to role play with me not because of me personally, but because they don't think they could keep up, or they don't want to read the long posts. Lol (/slitslit). Not very many people are going to want to write so detailed in a role play. Some people role play because they like to write, but don't like the pressure of actually writing a story, etc. People are also lazy, so they won't even bother reading a super long detailed-looking post unless it's marked essential. What also comes with long posts is the challenge of consistency. If you decide to write super long posts consistently, it can take (of course) much longer than usual to actually get around to posting (no one likes to fall behind). If your character is essential, that could lead to RP slow-downs.

I'm not entirely sure what I'm advising you to do. I just sometimes feel like you're writing as you would a story, and not a role play post? Which would come naturally to you because you're obviously a very skilled writer. You're very good, don't get me wrong. You're amazing. I just wanted to point that out. Don't lose your creativity. Just keep in mind you can be witty, clever and creative without spawning a mini-chapter. This is also a matter of my personal opinion. Like I said, I struggle with doing the same thing. I'm bad at getting to the point in my posts without writing on and on and on and getting lost in the act of writing itself. A blessing and a curse, my dear.

I do want to give you a chance to reply to this if you want, so you can PM me about it if you have retaliation, or something. I don't want you to feel like I'm belittling you, so I'd rather clear that up now if you feel that way. xD;​

Spoiler: Britishism

I corrected a 'person' problem up there. You said 'her' hair instead of 'my' hair. Anyway, your post was interesting. Like Arch said, however, it was a little hard to believe she'd kill it so easily. I think for this post it would have been more creative of you to have her not slay the dragon successfully. ​

Spoiler: Ace

Your effort was incredible. You obviously worked very hard on this post. However, it sounded like something straight out of an anime, and that's what bothered me the most. I mean, it was so dramatic. xD The realism in it was completely overshadowed by the shounen in it. I think you did a good job, and I can tell you worked hard on it, and it's not a bad post. It was just unrealistic to me personally. ​

Spoiler: Tummer

Spell check is your friend. You had a lot, a lot, a lot of spelling errors in this. xD

Also. I don't really understand what happened in this. I don't think she killed it. I think she just...gave up and ran? Felt very incomplete to me. Anyway. You did win the challenge so congratulations, but do try to do better next time. I know you got it in you.​

 

===> Plums: Critique

THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T STAY UP 45 HOURS STRAIGHT DOING HOMEWORK. SERIOUSLY WHAT THE **** IS WRONG WITH YOU BOY.

but seriously, I only slept about 3/48 hours so yesterday I passed out while doing these. ...literally ;~;

also homestuck titles for everyone

Spoiler: Doctor of Wigglz

Like everyone else said, you did great with the detail. However, unlike them, I thought you did assess the danger of the situation. Although it may have not been presented right out in your face, it's present in the question of whether to kill the dragon and save Rosalina's cousin, or not. Overall great job.

Spoiler: Master of Keys

You improved a great amount from the first RP Idol post. That being said, I thought the sword as a shield wasn't very realistic, but other than that it was a great post all around.

Spoiler: Brows of Bush

I agree with Jayn. All of your posts so far have been pretty witty and creative. xD And while there was one or two unnecessary pauses, I thought you did a really good job with the ellipses.

Spoiler: Shi of Maru

Even though no on else may agree with me on this, I liked that you didn't face the dragon yet. Although this post may not work in a faster paced RP, I thought it fit the overall shebang of the challenge very well.

Spoiler: Queen of Snappydragons

Dayum gurl, u got dat talant.

But to be serious, I really enjoyed this post. I thought your take on the challenge was very unique and fun. The allusion to acting was incredible, and overall this was just really great. xD

Spoiler: Tum of Mur

There were a lot spelling errors in this. I'd suggest using a quick spell check to go over it next time. Also, I'm not sure quite what Hannah did to the dragon, but a winner is you! Congrats. c:

Spoiler: Suffix of Brit

I have to agree with everyone else that her killing the dragon was a bit unrealistic. However, I thought your detail was very good and the post was overall pretty interesting.

Spoiler: Ace of Phoenixes

This post was really good. Just by looking at it I can see how much time you put into it. I agreed with everyone else that this seemed like an anime, especially considering the slaying of the dragon, but overall this post was really solid.