Role Play Idol [Season Two] FINALE!

Discussion in 'RP Idol Archive' started by Jayn, Dec 30, 2011.

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  1. Jayn

    Sep 30, 2007
    First thoughts: I don't want to ready this because it's too long and obnoxious looking. [/procrastinates until today]. I'm just going to note down things as I go.

    • I don't know what skin you're using. I switched to the dark skin so I could see midnight's post, but now yours is too dark. Trying to find a balance is probably best. I generally make my color schemes (in RPs) to match the default skin regardless of what skin I'm using, simply because -most- people will be using default and it seems fairest.
    • Oh god, you are brilliant. Faust is awful, but as stated before, that makes him much more interesting. I'm referring to your very first post. "So **** off."
    • This post. So. Long. As stated before, novel-sized posts are great, except not, because when you're in a role play -on this site- only a very select few will read it. I recall making about a this-sized post in my Fatality RP. Everyone who replied after completely ignored something very essential I had included in the middle of the post because no one read that far, lol.

    • I'm assuming you're on the dark skin (or this was posted before the change), but I believe the light skin is still default and the neon blue font color is burning my eyes. Trying to find a balance is probably best. I generally make my color schemes (in RPs) to match the default skin regardless of what skin I'm using, simply because -most- people will be using default and it seems fairest.
    • Sometimes you forget to add a period to the end of your sentences. Be sure to stay mindful of grammar and stuff. (Referring to your first post.)
    • Some of the things Ryan says sound a bit generic to me. You have a good sense of voice, and a lot of Iona's posts made me smile with her wit. But Ryan sounds like the stereotypical 'dude'.

    In general:

    *Keep your readers in mind. Pick neutral colors, not too light, not too dark.
    *Long posts are both good and bad. They're good because they generally contribute more, but when you over do it, not very many people are going to read it. I have this problem, but I'm getting better at condensing it.
    *Also, good job on including a reason for your editing. I just realized recently that I can actually compare your original post to your edited one, heh.

    Anyway, I don't want to say too much. You both did well.

  2. Jayn

    Sep 30, 2007
    Congratulations to the both of you making it this far. You've done wonderfully throughout the challenges. Thank you for your patience as well. Here are some of the critiques you got throughout the season...

    Midnight Star

    ★ My problem with the post was that it left me a tad under whelmed. There was nothing wrong, per say, but there was that special ‘je ne sais quoi’ missing. I know this next piece of advice is gonna sound like complete BS, but try to find some kinda magic into your writing, find a point you’re trying to get across, make us feel something.

    ★ Some missing punctuation, more on the boy's side than anything, and could have used some more detail. But those are really the only bad things I see here, expect maybe adding in a bit more emotion next time.

    ★ Always put the effort in to use words in their entirety….

    ★ There's just something kinda vague about the whole thing, though, that I can't quite put my finger on.

    ★ My only critique is that if felt like it fizzled out near the end. I don’t think that’s out of laziness, but because that same sense of heightened emotion was gone.

    ★ If there’s really one thing that I have to say that I can’t quite get into about the post, it is that it doesn’t seem to correlate too smoothly with the character’s defined personality. I understand that her “shut in†sort of nature is one that is stayed by a rather vicarious inner fire. However, I feel that such a personality is one that requires more brooding time.


    ★ I must express that you need to be careful. When asked to use both of your characters in a challenge, try to use both of them a good amount.

    ★ You're obviously a very good writer, I'd just tone it down from 'best selling novel' to 'kickass role playing post' if I were you, if you get what I'm saying?

    ★ Maybe a bit graphic considering younger readers may of stumbled upon it, as there are some on the forums. A warning next time is in order.

    ★ She just sort of appears first as a caged creature of some sort, and it seems she just magically gets into Faust’s pocket without any real how or why.

    ★ It’s not that a lot of detail is a bad thing or something like that. It’s really just that you took a lot of time and shoved a lot of detail into what was essentially a single experience or happening.

    ★ However, though the detail was vivid and well written out Jayn made a point that this is for rp, and not mini stories. So perhaps a little cutting back here and there. It was still a wonderful read either way.

    ★ Your post was very good and very detailed, but, to me, it seemed to read as something more for a novel than an RP post

    Anyway. The winner of RP Idol Season Two is...

    Wait for it, jeeze!

    Maybe I shouldn't tell you. I mean, this season has gone on for like a year anyway. LET'S DRAW IT OUT MORE!

    By the way, a certain someone hasn't finished my pin for ya'll yet, so I'm going to have to give you a blank exchanger for the time being until I get it.

    Okay, here it comes.

    Congratulations to P for his RP Idol win. Hooray. *Balloons and crap*

    You guys have fought long and hard and waited a lot, but here you go. *Sparklers*


    'Kay. Locking this thread now. Contact me with questions.

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