First thoughts: I don't want to ready this because it's too long and obnoxious looking. [/procrastinates until today]. I'm just going to note down things as I go. P: I don't know what skin you're using. I switched to the dark skin so I could see midnight's post, but now yours is too dark. Trying to find a balance is probably best. I generally make my color schemes (in RPs) to match the default skin regardless of what skin I'm using, simply because -most- people will be using default and it seems fairest. Oh god, you are brilliant. Faust is awful, but as stated before, that makes him much more interesting. I'm referring to your very first post. "So **** off." This post. So. Long. As stated before, novel-sized posts are great, except not, because when you're in a role play -on this site- only a very select few will read it. I recall making about a this-sized post in my Fatality RP. Everyone who replied after completely ignored something very essential I had included in the middle of the post because no one read that far, lol. Midnight: I'm assuming you're on the dark skin (or this was posted before the change), but I believe the light skin is still default and the neon blue font color is burning my eyes. Trying to find a balance is probably best. I generally make my color schemes (in RPs) to match the default skin regardless of what skin I'm using, simply because -most- people will be using default and it seems fairest. Sometimes you forget to add a period to the end of your sentences. Be sure to stay mindful of grammar and stuff. (Referring to your first post.) Some of the things Ryan says sound a bit generic to me. You have a good sense of voice, and a lot of Iona's posts made me smile with her wit. But Ryan sounds like the stereotypical 'dude'. In general: *Keep your readers in mind. Pick neutral colors, not too light, not too dark. *Long posts are both good and bad. They're good because they generally contribute more, but when you over do it, not very many people are going to read it. I have this problem, but I'm getting better at condensing it. *Also, good job on including a reason for your editing. I just realized recently that I can actually compare your original post to your edited one, heh. Anyway, I don't want to say too much. You both did well.