Scared?

Discussion in 'Help with Life' started by T3F, Mar 6, 2014.

  1. T3F Chaser

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    So lately my parentals have been fighting quite a bit, and I have had to console my mum a lot. She says she doesn't want the fighting to affect me, which it really doesn't. Couples fight, it happens.

    But it has completely changed my view on relationships. I've noticed I'm actually very afraid to go into a relationship, or even show any affection towards a guy and I'm not quite sure why it's so extreme. I've actually had a few guys approach me this week, and I've repeatedly done the whole "I have a boyfriend." Thing. I think its mostly because my parents are the only couple I really live around all the time, so its shaped how relationships work. And I know that is a very generalised view but I can't help being afraid of being in a relationship, mostly because I dont want to end up like my mum...I think.

    KHV, I'm confuzzled. Help me out before I hurt any other guys?? :/
     
  2. Ienzo ((̲̅ ̲̅(̲̅C̲̅r̲̅a̲̅y̲̅o̲̅l̲̲̅̅a̲̅( ̲̅̅((>

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    I think you are exactly right, although your parents fighting may not affect you emotionally, it affects you psychologically. You just don't want to be in the position your mum is in but the truth is not every relationship is like that. At the same time, don't just go out with a guy because you think it would be the "right" thing to do because you don't want to hurt him, if you don't like them then don't do it, no pressure.

    You shouldn't let fear stop you though, parents are our main role models when it comes to relationships but that is just one relationship in the caboodle of relationships, you can't know how each one goes.

    My suggestion is don't become consumed by it- you must remember that you should learn about relationships from your own experiences. Even just going out on one date to decide whether or not you like a guy would be a step forward. You will be scared but with one date there is no commitment unless you find you quite like them and so want to take it further, and it will just help you burst through this fear. Of course, you don't have to do that, you can just wait until you find a guy that you really like to do that sort of thing with.

    All relationships have their good sides and bad sides, some are just more obvious than others. But honestly, I don't think you will have anything to worry about, I mean, have you ever had any personal experience of bad relationships?
     
  3. Llave Superless Moderator

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    Ultimately a relationship is between you and the person you are involved with. While parents can be excellent role models, or something you keep in the back of your mind not to become, they aren't you. I know that may sound harsh a bit, and I do hope your parents work it out.

    But look at it this way. Without conflict in a relationship, it'd be superficial. There would be no substance to EVEN argue about. I'm not sure exactly why your parents are going through this tough time, but not every situation is the same. If you like a guy, take a chance on really trying to get to know him (and well the hots because some bois mmm). That's what I usually see dating as, the testing waters for you, and the person you are dating. If it works out and things click, than it might get better in marriage or if you want to take it to another level. If not, then maybe they aren't the one you'll end up with. But remember that even "perfect" matches fight, and that's ok, so long as you know how to fight correctly. Idk if that even helps but alass.
     
  4. Hiro ✩ Guardian

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    See, that's how I feel sometimes too. My parents do fight frequently, and I'm known to have the patience of a gnat, so I really don't want to end up yelling like my dad and saying something hurtful to the other person.

    Truth be told, my last relationship actually scared me to the point where I really don't talk to my girlfriend a lot of the time unless she approaches me. I'm afraid I'll do something wrong, or I'll take something she does the wrong way and snap.

    It happens to all of us, so don't worry. Just take a breather and understand that not every experience is the same. No one wants to hurt people we don't dislike, but it's a natural instinct to feel like we will if we mess up.

    Point is, just take a moment to ponder what you do before you do it.
     
  5. Misty gimme kiss

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    In addition to what others have said (agreed with them all ha), if your parents' fighting is going on for a while I would highly recommend speaking to someone about it. It doesn't have to be some kind of hardcore psychoanalysis with a therapist, it could just be venting with a friend or posting here about how it makes you feel/what you're thinking, but I think it's really important. As others have said, you obviously know that you are not your parents, and while I don't have any kind of psychology education to back this, we do often use our parents' relationship (and any relationships around us) as the expectation & basis for our own. If you grow up and your parents are fighting a lot, it's very possible that you are going to have trouble with maintaining your own healthy relationships.

    But I do agree with the sentiment that, if there's a guy who expresses interest in you and seems like an alright fellow, give it a chance. It might be good to show yourself that you can have a decent relationship with someone (even if you doesn't evolve into A Relationship).

    Hoping your parents work it out though. It's good of you to be there for you mom, but remember to tend to yourself, too.