Sex before marriage?

You are completely correct that I don't fully know what I am talking about. I haven't drunk a drop of alcohol in my life, I've never done anything sexual apart from making out (which isn't really sexual) and I agree that most kids have a wrong idealogy of what sex is. The majority of kids my age do believe in sex without love. Which is, really, destroying our society...

I meant more physical factors such as alcohol that plays in certain situations, although infatuation can be consider quite instrumental in the idealogy of teens these days.

I've been offered alcohol.

Said no.

Cigarettes.

No.

Drugs.

No.

I want to stay away from these things. It wasn't easy for someone like me to say no to alcohol. It looks like such a good time, but I managaed to say no. I said no to cigs too, and I'm proud of myself for it.

I want you to realize that I'm not for sex, but I'm for people having sex if they want to. Sex before marriage is fine in my opinion.

Whereas I would go out and do it... nah. I'll wait.

 

now this IS off topic. i encourage you, Roxas, and everyone else who reads this, to continue refusing alcohol (drugs and such as well). ive seen it mess people up and its all they think about and live off of nowadays. its really sad...:(
k, im done digressing

 

Can't do that Rena. They are too good and I'm addicted to cig's already. I've been smoking for a year and a half now D: OMGG I replied to an off-topic. NOOO dont' ban me.

 

Are you trained to keep everything on topic?

Things can slide, and this is intelligent discussion. Things should be allowed to get off topic to discuss views on certain things. Talking about alcohol in relation to sex isn't off-topic.

Speaking of which, I am awaiting twilightsown's post to see what he thinks of my last.

 

*taps Roxas on the head*
Call me crazy, but I think I'm starting to like ya kid. We may not see eye to eye on everything, but at least your fun to have an argument with.
As for the Drugs and alcohol thing = BAD I'm sorry, but I don't want to screw myself up more than is necessary. And Lithium, I would consider trying to quit. I have lost to many people in my family to lung Cancer and Emphezema from cigarette smoking to not try. Also, Ciggarettes are worse for you than pot >< Tis a proven statistic. There have been no deaths related to pot use, only what people have done because of it. Smoking on the other hand will kill you.

 

i was jes trying to be courteous, thats all, Roxas. and i agree with twi that you should try to quit, Lithium. i know its very hard for people, but youd feel so much better. dont end up like my uncle. he had a triple bipass surgery because he was so messed up. now hes gotta drag around an oxygen tank wherever he goes.

 

I agree with you. My agree with you level is OVER 9000!!!!!!!!!!, lol dbz

So have you heard about the move where the girl.......LOL JK

Roxas: Keep it intelligent...

NEDM note to Roxas: Blame my other personalities

 

Sex before marriage is okay and I'm a Christian. As long as it's not rape I think it's okay, you're basically just showing your love for each other and another reason to get married. Sex doesn't exactly express love though, but reproduction.

 

I think that sex is a part of life and it's a part of any close relationship. I've always felt that as long as one doesn't purposefully hurt themselves or anyone else, one should be free to do as one pleases.

That being said, I would advise people being careful of who they lose their virginity to. The First Time can be a really emotional experience, and the memory may be lacking if it was, say, a one-night stand.

I still haven't "lost it", as the kids say, though not through lack of trying. I'm almost halfway through my 20th year, and I have to say I personally want to wait until I'm in a somewhat serious relationship before I go "all the way." Only because I know that if I don't lose it with someone who I'm at least fairly close to, then I'll feel like I had sex just to have sex, which isn't a very good feeling A) Because it seems anticlimactic after these years of waiting, and B) Because I'm trying to be living proof against the "Men Only Want Sex" stereotype.

Of course, it won't take me long to trust someone when I finally do re-enter a relationship. ;)

Other than that, I say as long as both parties are as safe an willing as humanly possible, have all the fun you want and enjoy.

 

Alright, I'm glad this got so many responses!

To begin, let me answer the age question. I am 17. And another bit of information (though you do not have to provide this information in your post; I just think that it helps in the discussion...) I have never had sex.

I would like to clear something up. I did not mean to say that sex is the only factor, or one of the largest factors, in a marriage, but I definitely think that it is one factor. I also believe that you should feel comfortable enough with your partner to have sex before you decide that you want to get married. You have to reach that point of comfortable-ness before you reach a point in which you say that you want to spend the rest of your lives together.

Also, many people who wait until marriage end up marrying young and their relationships have many problems thereafter.

Love is a very important factor. It is the reason for being together. It is just composed of many other factors, such as trust, honesty, understanding, etc. I will always think that love is the most important factor in a relationship.

I beleive that sex before marriage is alright if done responsibly. I don't think that people should go out and have sex with anyone just for the heck of it. I think that if you find yourself in a committed, mature relationship and you want to have sex, then by all means do! Unfortunately, many people,especially teens, have sex with people who they don't even know will be there afterwards. They are very immature about the whole situation. I think you need to respect your body and you virginity, but that you do not need to be married to have sex.

About the drinking, I hate it. I've done it but I don't enjoy it and I've never been drunk, nor do I ever want to be. I think that people who get drunk and end up having sex are a perfect example of the kind of immature people I mentioned above.

Now, this is for Rena88: You said that your religion was not the only reason why you disagree with sex before marriage and you state your other reason as this: "I choose it (waiting until after marriage) because I believe it is right..." I'm sorry, but that does not strike me as a full reason. WHY do you not think it is right?

And for twilightstown: I am wondering why you think that people would begin to mistrust one another after have sex when not married. I think that if you are in a committed relationship, then it wouldn't matter. You would already know the person well enough to place all your trust in him/her. Also, the example you gave... I am not sure what kind of problems having sex may have caused you (if you feel comfortable enough, please feel free to share), but I am wondering how often (I know this is very personal...) you and your girlfriend had sex. I think that sex, like anything else, needs to be done in moderation. If not, it will come inbetween you and your significant other. And if done in moderation, I don't see how it could come in the way of a relationship.

Finally, I would like to add this little bit. I do not plan to ever marry. I am not religious, therefore I don't plan to have a ceremony. The only way I would ever marry is through a civil union, and only for tax and security reasons (if I decide to have children I want them to be recognized as mine and my partner's). I just don't understand the idea of binding yourself to someone when you have already done so with your love. I believe in love and in mature relationships, but I don't see why they have to be "sealed" with marriage. So this is also a factor which dictates my view on this topic.

 

its like i said in one of my other posts, why would i consider sleeping with someone if i couldnt even consider marrying them? and without the commitment of marriage, it wouldnt feel like we were really unified as one (which is high on my list of what i want with a life partner). idk, its hard to explain. i really dont see a plus side to premarital sex.

 

Go Jack! I knew there men out there like that, just hadn't found many. Okay so I've found one... now two... three... four, I think and three on this thread.

I do agree that you need to be choosy in who you lose your virginity to.

>.< I almost lost mine to a guy who turned to be... well... not who I thought he was. I thought I wanted to... I thought I loved him enough and that he loved me. I was way off. I took my time deciding whether or not I was really ready for that step and well, for one he kept trying to talk me into it. Then he turned and took money from the anime club we were both in and left for California. Haven't seen him again and not sure I want to. If he actually goes back to school next semester... the entire anime club will be after him.

The lesson I learned from that, you better really spend time talking to agetting to know the person and listen to your friends, they notice thing you might not.

Kinda random, but, I know earlier people were asked for their ages. I'm 19.

And twilightsown, you rock! ^^ Just thought I'd share that little opinion.

On the topic of drugs and alcohol... I have had two sips of alcohol in my entire life and one was in church. I don't really intend to drink much, as I'd rather not do anything potentially stupid, so I avoid parties or I accompany my friend and try to remind her that she is a minor and should not be drinking at all. As for cigarettes... they make me sick, I am serious. My throat literally closes up now in reaction to one breath of second-hand smoke, if I don't stop breathing I'd probably vomit... I'd hate to think what actually smoking would do to me.

Anyway, that's my two-cents. Yeah...

 

I think that we see things oppositely. I think that marriage is more important than sex, and thus that one should reach the level of being comfortable enought to have sex before deciding to get married. I think sex is just another aspect of a relationship that should be experienced before you can decide upon spending the rest of your lives together. Also, I think that you need to feel truly unified before getting married. We view relatioships diferently. For you, marriage seems to be the ultimate in a relationship. For me, marriage is just something you do once you have already reached that ultimate level, if you want to.

Unfotunately, I do not think that we will be seeing eye to eye on the matter. You are religious and thus your opinion on the topic is largely dictated by that fact. I, on the other hand, am not religious and thus am free of that "rule", if you will.

 

On the trust issue: No matter how much you trust a person, no matter how much you know you will stay together, you still have no binding reason that you HAVE to stay together. As such, you begin to fear your partner will leave you, becoming jealous easily, and angry just as such. This is something not only exhibited by myself, but by many of the people I know who have had sex. Am I saying this always happens? No, but it is the common thing to happen, and as Roxas pointed out earlier, most relationships outside of marriage that have sex end about 3 weeks after having sex.
I do so happen to feel comfortable enough, because as I said, I do not regret my actions. The problems that arose are what I stated above. I began to become jealous (I am already a very defensive person, I have been abused and had my trust of people broken in the past. I have lost people close to me who I did not expect to lose, my parents divorced TWICE and many other people (including my first gf) lied to me, so I have trust issues) What having sex did, was interfere with us growing together as a couple. It didn't help that her parents found out, because her mom is a soulless ***** and read her diary. The stress that this put on our relationship didn't help us, and only made us feel that things were getting worse. In concerns to moderation, we only had sex about 5 times over a 3-4 month period, and then about 3 more times over another 3-4 month period. Moderation was not our problem, rushing things was. For me, I believe that if you love someone, then I truthfully, see no problem with it, but what Ihave been trying to state is why you shouldn't. Me and my gf agreed to stop because it is what was best for our realtionship. As a non-relligious, you said you never plan on getting married. I fiond this sad, but it is your own opinion. To me, marriage is the highest thing a couple can do to express their love for one another. Sex is the thing that ties that together. I like the reasons you listed this time, but not your first. Finding if you are "sexually compatible" is no excuse to have sex. If you love one another you will be. I hope this helped some, and I will be happy to fill you in if I did not explain something well enough.

 

You've explained yourself perfectly well. What you said about people getting jealous or mistrusting their partners, I do not think that that is directly caused by sex, rather by other factors, like the ones you listed. Also, I agree that sex in any relationship should not be rushed. That is why I said that you should be in a responsible and mature relationship before having sex (and by that I mean one that is long enough for you guys to grow as a couple). You might have been going too fast and that was what was compromising the relationship, not the sex, or so it seems to me.

My parents had sex before marriage, had my older sister before marriage, and conceived me before marriage, and they are the two most in love people I have ever met. They support one another and give themselves to each other fully. It really is beautiful. I think that this may also be a reason why I agree with sex before marriage. I've seen it work out great!

Many people have found the fact that I do not plan to marry sad, but unlike you I do not view marriage as the highest thing a couple could do, nor do I view sex as that. I think that a couple can reach that highest point of love and understanding without the need of marriage and I do not think they need to get married to prove that love.

Sexual compatability was brought up because I have known a couple in which the male was not very... gratifying in bed. This led the marriage to break apart because they sexual frustrations caused other frustrations and so on. I agree, though, it is not as good a reason as the other ones I listed. I meant to list the other ones when I made the thread but it was late and I was being told to get off the computer...

 

on the contrary, ~tReAh867~, i think marriage and sex are quite equal on the importance scale. you shouldn't marry someone with just any old reason just like you shouldn't sleep with someone for any old reason. and i know i probably won't change anyone's own opinion on this topic. marriage is a leap of faith, that's how it should be. i think its possible for people to feel completely at one with each other without sex (even before marriage). giving yourself to someone is the ultimate reward for humans. its suppose to be the most sacred act you perform. neither marriage or sex is to be taken lightly. (i hope im not contradicting myself, im having a hard time collecting my thoughts today...)

 

on the contrary, ~tReAh867~, i think marriage and sex are quite equal on the importance scale. you shouldn't marry someone with just any old reason just like you shouldn't sleep with someone for any old reason. and i know i probably won't change anyone's own opinion on this topic. marriage is a leap of faith, that's how it should be. i think its possible for people to feel completely at one with each other without sex (even before marriage). giving yourself to someone is the ultimate reward for humans. its suppose to be the most sacred act you perform. neither marriage or sex is to be taken lightly. (i hope im not contradicting myself, im having a hard time collecting my thoughts today...)

No, I do not believe that you contadicted yourself, and I know what you mean about having trouble collecting your thoughts. Anyways, I was not saying that marriage is to be taken lightly, or sex. And I do think that people can feel completely at one with one another before sex. When you feel that way, then you know that you are ready to have sex if you so wish to. And then you can even decide to get married.

I do think that giving yourself to someone is the ultimate reward, but I do not think that marriage is necessarily the way to give yourself. I think your relationship just reaches a point in which you know you have given youself to your other and you two understand this fact. But you do not need to perform a certain act to prove this.

Anyways, I think I'm just repeating myself. Please let me know if I am being redundant or unclear. I'm tired and I think I'm off to bed. This has been an interesting debate and I can't wait to see what everyone else has to say.

 

I'd say from my opinion, sex should be just after the wedding ceremony (at night of course, away from prying eyes) and not done at all between a gf and bf.

If you have sex with someone you think in the term is 'hot' or 'sexy' without actually knowing them personally or well, then that is only just lust or passion (with no way related to the song 'Passion').

If you are giving yourself to someone, it should be because you love that person completely and vice versa. Both need to be ready because this thing isn't something you can easily go, 'Whoops, that was a mistake, let's just forget about the whole thing, ok?'

I'm also strongly against underage sex, because I think most teenagers aren't ready. They don't think about the consequences of sex, and they'd would rather just bang up someone and continue. Even if they love each other with all of their hearts, I wouldn't think they're ready.

 

I would argue that sometimes some people just need a small experience for whatever reason, to put them back on the right path or whatever. I'm encouraging of any and all sexual practices as long as A) It's completely safe with little or no chance of disease, pregnancy (unless you're actively trying for a kid), or major bodily harm, and B) Everything is 100% consensual for both partners, and that nobody is forced to do anything he/she isn't comfortable with. As long as these two rules are followed, I feel it's the business of the couple in question.

I know of some relationships where it's completely open. A couple love each other and are together, but also play with other partners from time to time with full knowledge and consent from the other. If that works for them, more power to them. I, personally, could never do that and I'd assume few people here would either.

I'd still advise, as I've said earlier, to save the first time for someone you have some sort of connection with who you're almost positive will stick around for at least a little while afterwards.

I think the thing is, you can't underestimate the value of sex, but you also need to experience it before marriage so that you don't overestimate the value. It's like the old National Lampoon Radio Hour bit: "Let's say you've never had a steak, but you heard it was really good. What you're saying is that you're going to starve yourself so that when you finally sit down to eat that steak, you'll enjoy it. But here's the pitfall: When you finally sit down to eat that steak, no matter how good it tastes, it's never gonna live up to your expectations."

Premarital sex is also a really good way to figure out exactly what you do and do not like in bed. If you wait until you're married and you need something that your partner can't give you, then you're stuck with either a disappointing marriage or a messy divorce. On the flip side, you should also never marry anyone just because the sex is good and for no other reason. To that end, I would advise couples to really talk to each other about what they like and take the time to really explore each other.

Most of my relationships have been long distance, and though I've only been able to meet up with one while we were still dating, and not long enough for us to go that far, with each girl when we've gotten comfortable with intimate speak, we always spoke about what we like or what we think we'd like to try. I don't know how it is for anyone else, but what turns me on the most is turning someone else on. I kind of live for the pleasure of the partner, even though I've never had a chance to practice hands-on, as it were. If I may get personal for a moment, I've shared many intimate experiences over the telephone, and I can tell from that alone that intimate situations work the best when both parties are doing their best to make the other person feel incredible. If you keep one-upping each other on the pleasure factor, then even over the phone it's a unique and fulfilling experience.

In the end, when it comes to sex of any kind, in or out of marriage, you have to approach it the right way, and part of that is you have to think about sex in a particular way. When you're just starting out, whether it's your first time ever or even just the first time with a enw person, you have to find the fine line between putting sex on a pedistal and not caring about it. Either extreme is bad, and you have to find the happy medium just in case. It also should always be more about how the other person feels, although on the other hand you should always allow yourself to be pampered from time to time (and if your partner doesn't offer, then there's a problem).

In the end, do only what you're comfortable with, and only with someone who is equally comfortable with it.

 

I honestly have no problem with sex before marriage. I could live with it, or without it. I could care less about sex in my relationships. *sighs*

It's all up to the girl, imo. Because they are the ones who are...well...they have more 'say' in sex. Mostly because it's their...god how do I explain this...it's their 'private' keepsafe type thing. Men don't have to worry about it as much.

From my view, if she wants it, I might do it. But if not, it doesn't make a difference because sex doesn't make love.

It's all up to personal opinion.

ALTHOUGH, it does depend on how close I would be to the person. Obviously I wouldn't purposely date someone over in Japan, if I knew I would never see her, no matter how well we got alone/knew eachother.

I'm not trying to say I'd give myself out, I meant that I would do it on account that we both knew what was going to happen, and we were fine with it. it would also depend on if I trusted her, and if I knew that she wouldn't run off right after, because that...would hurt badly.