I'm unsure as to whether or not comedy stories are allowed here. Please tell me if they are so that I'm not worrying about what's going to happen if I post this here. ~Shinobi Ahou~ (Ninja fools) By Salem Waribara/Sam Hakusho/Daisuke Nataka ============= Prologue: Another stormy night strikes Tokyo city as the moon is shrouded in clouds. The stars are blotted from the sky. The only lights are the ones within the city, which make it all that much brighter. In other words, not good conditions for Ninja operations. Tell that to these guys. Five ninjas jumped across the building tops, moving quickly to find their target and eliminate him before daylight... if there was daylight tomorrow. All seemed to be going well until the one in the very back tripped over a loose roof tile and fell flat on his face, forcing his compatriots to have to return, pick him up, and then continue, wasting valuable time and slowing things down because of lost momentum. They weren't too happy with their dusty- haired companion, and one, a helmet covering his face, growled lowly and slapped himself in the visor, wondering why it was that he had to be stuck with this batch of utter fools. Although, he had to admit, even though they seemed to do everything horribly wrong to the point of failure, they still somehow manage to complete their missions, but just barely. If not for their rampant stupidity, they might be considered professional shinobi, but they weren't. In fact, the only professional was the helmeted ninja, Riyu, alias Salem Waribara. He had undergone rigorous training with the greatest of all Shinobi, straining his body and mind to the point where he nearly died seven times. He operated in all conditions, rain, sleet, snow, hail, mud, heat, cold, what have you. And he always dressed to meet the requirements: Light summer clothes in the hot day time, warm winter gear, made white to blend in with the snow and fog, or even a mud-covered military camouflage ninja uniform for heavily wooded areas, muddy areas with green growth, or just plain mud. As for his team mates, well, they were the exact opposite. They dressed wrong for every occasion: Black ninja gear in a snowy atmosphere, white ninja gear at night, camo gear on a sunny day, there was no way they could efficiently disguise themselves without getting caught by authorities. Many times, Riyu had to cover for them to ensure their escape with the prize, and even then, they screwed up at getting away unnoticed. Sometimes, when Riyu knew they were going to get caught, he would set up explosives as diversions to distract the guards while they got out. Yep, the Ninja job was just as fun as Riyu thought it would be. Not for him, maybe, but definitely for his "friends", or rather, "People who are on the death list this year". This stormy evening, between rain showers, Riyu and his team were searching for a wanted criminal and intended to kill him, steal his cash, then leave. If they somehow screwed this up, Riyu had the foresight to go and get them all fake I.D.s so that they could skip out of Japan and defect to America. There wasn't a doubt in his mind that that was what was going to happen tonight... ~End~ Chapter 1: "Way to freakin' go..." They eventually reached the building where their target resided. Riyu began silently praying to whatever god was listening(and not laughing at him because of his bad luck)that they would not screw up. Of course, he had a feeling the gods weren't listening, or they were silently snickering while "Answering his prayers". Riyu was having serious thoughts of suicide at this point. End it now so that I don't have to deal with these guys later, please, just let my sword deal a killing blow! Of course, Riyu knew, with his luck, the sword would miss and skim off his armor. It was his shortcoming: He had never perfected his aim. With a heavy sigh, Riyu gave the signal a placed helmet's visor down, covering his face with an iron lion's face, eye holes included so that he could see where he was going. He made sure to go in last so that if anybody knocked anything over, he could catch it before it hit the floor. At least he could null the pain of defeat for a while, if it couldn't be avoided. Riyu came to a point where there were several rooms to choose from. Reluctantly, he gave the command for them to split up, and he took to the stairs. He made sure that the second smartest of the group, a ninja who went by the name "Sam", was with him so that they could at least get something done quickly and hopefully get out without their team knowing so that they wouldn't be disgraced by failure again. Sam shared Riyu's hatred for screw-ups, so they got along well, meaning they wouldn't have to worry about arguments while they escaped. The stairs were tread with utmost care and precision. Any creak, thump, or banging of feet coming up the staircase would surely alert the guards, if there were any. On the last step, Riyu rolled to avoid stepping on the crack in it, and Sam did the same. A door stood in their way. Riyu slid it open just a crack, and there he saw his target: an old, balding man laying in a bed that surely must have cost a fortune to obtain. He nodded to Sam, who returned the feeling with a grin, and as they were about to enter and kill the unfortunate elder... ...An enormous crash emitted from the kitchen. Riyu and Sam exchanged looks that clearly said, "That's it. They're all going to die, slowly and painfully." With a roar, Riyu ran into the room and brought his sword down on the screaming man, stabbing him in the throat and shattering his Adam's Apple, which strangled and killed him soon after. Riyu quickly retrieved his weapon and cleaned the blood off with a rag in his back pouch, the replaced it in its sheathe as he and Sam darted out of the room, back down the stairs, and towards the front door, soon followed by the rest of their team, who were stupidly shouting "Sh*t! Sh*t, run! Run! They're gaining on us!" Riyu felt the need to stab something. Brutally. He was literally seeing red at this stage. As the team ran, Riyu and Sam thought to themselves, "Well, looks like we're going to have to defect... I wonder how much it would cost us to go to Korea instead while the rest go to America?" ~End of Chapter 1~ There's chapter one and the prologue of Ninja Idiots. If you enjoyed, say so! If I put this in the wrong spot, say so! If you hate ninjas, comedy, and idiocy, GTFO, noob! Anyhow, I'll post some more for you if you want. Like I said, I'm not sure if this is in the right spot, so please let me know if it isn't. -Salem Waribara PS: Chapter one is short because I was running short on time to write it. Emmet was pestering me to get it done so people would stop emailing him asking where the hell it was.
Oh yeah, I remember this story well. I laughed so freakin' hard when I read it... Anyhow, I THINK this is in the right spot. I'm not entirely sure, though. You'd have to ask a mod or somebody with more experience than me, sorry Salem. (By the way, I thought Sam was the smartest, and YOU were second. What happened?)
Oh yeah, I remember this! Heh heh heh, you made a movie out of this too, didn't you? I remember crying because I was laughing so hard that my stomach started to hurt.
Okay, I'm done. Chapter 2: Defects The plane ride to America, for them, went smoothly. Sam fell asleep, Salem kept himself busy by simulating battle after battle against enemies in his head, and Daisuke, Jai, and Kotetsu were busy talking about last night. It was a good thing they had taken a private flight instead of one with all those seat options, like First Class, which Salem and Sam would fit into nicely, middle class, which Daisuke could manage, and "Lowlife class", as Salem put it, which was suitable for Jai and Kotetsu. Had they been on one of those flights, somebody might have overheard them, and that would simply not do. Now, Salem found that America was a lot less busy than Japan seemed. And Russia was probably less than that. Salem had only been there once, and in his time, he had met up with a man called Arkadi Petrovich, who said his twin brother, Nikolai Petrovich, whose father was a former Spetsnaz soldier, had flown to America. He also said Nikolai had spent some time in Japan training as a Ninja, and Salem wondered if that would be the kind of person he could use in his group: A Ninja, highly skilled in the art of Espionage and general sneakiness, who just so happened to be Russian with a former Spetsnaz for a father, meaning he was probably impossible to harm with any effect. It sure seemed like a good idea. But, it hinged entirely upon the hopes that said Russian Ninja wouldn't be a total screw up like Salem's team was. Salem had made contact with a friend and asked him to stop by and pick him up when he landed. He was searching now for a man wearing what looked to be a black Japanese kimono with a white vest over it, the status of Captain within his family. It wasn't hard to find this person. He stood out like a sore thumb. And he had a sign strapped to a helmet on his head that said "If you're name is Salem Waribara, get your *ss over here, damn it!" Typical Ryu... "Ryu! How have things been?" Salem asked as he caught his friend's eye. "Well, if it weren't so warm over here, I might say it's alright, but my sandals nearly burst into flames on the way here." Salem realized just then that Ryu was wearing a pair of wooden sandals tied up to the ankles. He shook his head at how badly Ryu's father was stuck in the Samurai age... An age that had already passed. The fact that anybody still used a sword in this day and age was proof enough that they still considered some of their old tributes as a good thing. Ryu's family took that a step too far. "A friend of mine brought his bike for you to ride, in case all your friends can't fit in the SUV. He should be waiting outside, unless he decided to hit the snack bar for a drink." Ryu turned and walked away, closely trailed by the team of Ninjas. Or rather, the two Ninjas and three "Algorithm March" Ninja wannabes. When Ryu had seen that YouTube video, he himself asked if people in Japan were either sorely underpaid or had too much time to spare. Upon getting outside, Salem squinted through the bright sunlight and saw a person who looked quite similar to that Arkadi he had spoken with in Russia. The only differences were that he was wearing a white zip up hoodie with no pockets, a red sash around his waist, a pair of forest camo pants, and combat boots. And he was shorter. He looked up and saw the six Ninjas in front of him, and with a lazy smile, he strode over to them. "You must be Salem. I heard you had a chat with my brother up in the Frosen Mozerland," he said, using a heavy fake Russian accent at the end. Salem was amazed at the audacity this kid had, insulting his own homeland. And he had heard stories of people who got shot for insulting Russia, so Salem was really surprised. "Uh... Yeah, Arkadi, right? Yeah, I remember him. You must be Nikolai, then-" Salem started "Jason." "Wha?" "My name is Jason now. Jason James Haley. I don't like using my Russian name, it brings back painful memories," Jason said with a pained look in his eyes. Salem made a mental note to remember important life changing details and to make sure the person in question is okay with having them spoken of; it was another downfall of his, not thinking before speaking. "...Right. Well, shall we head out, then?" Salem asked, trying to change the subject." Jason nodded, then gestured to a second bike next to his own. "It's Ryu's. I'm driving the SUV, and if you can't fit, then you can use mine. You'll be staying at a place that some dude put up for sale. Ryu bought it ahead of time for you guys, and he made it so that you're paying for it, not him." Salem felt so loved at that point. He had to put up with a team of ninja screw ups, and now he had to put up with a smug Russian-American brat who doesn't like his own name. Yep. Good times...
