"THAT" Time of Month Again...

Discussion in 'Archives' started by 2Foxxie4U, Jan 8, 2009.

  1. 2Foxxie4U ~The Forgotten Crusader...~

    Oct 22, 2006
    The internet! Duh!
    Not that many of you guys care, but I'm planning to get my Christmas Special up again ASAP. I couldn't get it done by Christmas this year because of major family problems, and needed something to cheer me up before I tried to work on it again. What was the solution? One-shot Crack stories, of course! X'DDD BTW, some of the formatting might be a little different than usual because I'm usuing a different computer AND a different program than I usually do for my stories. Sorry. XD



    "THAT" Time of Month Again...​

    Larxene stormed though the halls of the castle, fists clenched so hard she could feel her nails digging into her palms. Her eyes were ablaze as she glanced into rooms and down corridors, anxiously searching for that one person she need to talk to SO badly, she could just...

    There goes the little prick!

    Zexion was sitting inside of his room, reading something that happened to NOT be a dirty magazine for once. She clicked her teeth together with annoyance, and clomped into his dark, depressing room without even knocking. “Zexion...†she hissed. “I—â€
    The young man snapped shut his gigantic book shut with a sigh. “No, wait... Let me guess...†He took a deep breath, and winced. “That time of month again?â€
    “Sure as hell is! So what the heck are you guys gonna do about it?!†she snapped.
    Zexion sighed and rose to his feet. “I'll get the Superior...â€

    Zexion winced slightly as Larxene clapped her hand roughly on his shoulder and squeezed so hard that he could feel her sharp fingernails digging into his pale skin. He hissed slightly.

    Larxene shot him a small, dangerous grin. “We'll go tell the Superior.â€


    Xemnas sighed deeply. “I see... that time of month again...?â€
    Zexion nodded. “Which raises the question, exactly WHOSE turn is it this time to take care of it THIS time?â€
    Larxene scoffed. “Well, I can sure tell ya right now – I ain't doin' it! I had to do it the last three times! It's ZEXION'S turn!â€
    Xemnas pretended he was surprised. “Oh...? Is that right...? I must have gotten off track...†He gulped slightly. “Well, then... I guess we have no choice but to...â€
    “Eh-heh-heeeeeem...†Zexion cleared his throat loudly, and inched a turned-over picture over to Xemnas.

    Xemnas blinked, flipped the corner up so that he could peek at the picture, and then slammed his head on the desk with a sigh. Oh, you've GOT to be...
    “WELL, Xemnas?!†Larxene snapped. “Get on with it!â€
    Xemnas sighed, propping his head up with one arm, looking away from Zexion's razor-sharp eyes. “Well, the I guess we have no choice but to let Number IX take care of it...†he muttered.
    Larxene snorted. “As long as it ain't me again,†she muttered, not really caring that Zexion had once again side-stepped his fair share of manual labor. She portalled off.

    Zexion grinned a bit, slipping the photo back into his robe. “I'll get him. It should be an... interesting sight to watch. Very amusing.â€
    Xemnas grunted, pretending he was busy with something important. “Do what you will,†he muttered, feeling embarrassed that he'd been made a fool of by his young subordinate once more.
    Zexion smirked, nodding and walked off with his head held high.

    It felt good to be in control.


    Demyx spun around gleefully in his room, hopping around like a ballerina on steroids and singing to his impressive collection of stuffed animals all over the room. He plucked one of of a nearby shelf, and spun around with it, giggling.

    “Rainbow monkeys!~ Rainbow monkeys!~ Oh so very rooooooound and su-per chun-keeeey...!~†He squeezed it, grinning. “Spreadin' LOVE wherever they go!~ Everybody's made of a big rain-BOOOOOW...!~â€

    He danced around the room, picking up various colors as he sang. “OOOOOOOOOH, red and orange!~ And pink and blue!~ Rainbow Monkeys, Rainbow Monkeys, Dem loves YOOOOOU!~â€

    Suddenly, someone kicked the door in. Demyx dropped all of his stuffed animals and shielded himself with his hands, letting loose a shrill, girly shriek. He peeked through his arms and grinned, straightening up. “Oh! Hey, Zexion! What's cookin', good lookin'?â€

    Zexion stared at him for a second, his expression blank. “Call me that again, and I'll cut you.†His voice gave no indication of jest.
    Demyx gulped, staring back into Zexion's blank, frightening eyes. “Uh... w-well, anyways, what brings you here?â€
    “It's THAT time of month again.â€
    The color drained out of Demyx's face. “O...Oh no... D...don't t-tell me that I...!â€
    Zexion nodded.

    Demyx screamed, clutching his head and falling to the ground. “NO!!! Why ME?! WHY?!?!â€
    “Get yourself together, IX!†Zexion snapped. “You are THE best suited member for this task and you are GOIN' to do it whether you like it or not! It's YOUR turn!â€
    Demyx sniffed, looking up at Zexion. “Hey... H-how come I never see YOU doing this job, anyway...?â€

    Zexion stared at the boy with the same amount of potency as he did before. “Are you going to get marching or will I have to MAKE you?†he asked at last.

    Demyx sighed, and dragged himself out of the room. Zexion waited until he was he was completely out of sight before giving a relieved sigh. At first, I thought the idiot was onto me.


    Faint knocking on the door.


    Demyx peeked into the room, giving the redhead a shy smile. “Uh... Hey, Axel – it's me... Demyx... Again. Heh...â€
    “Oh...†Axel grinned a bit. “Dem – it's just you! Hey, man! Grab a seat!â€

    Demyx smiled nervously, nodded a quick thanks, and sat on the bed, squirming uncomfortably.
    “... Somethin' on your mind?â€

    Demyx let loose a peal of nervous laughter, twitching slightly. “Who – me?! Havin' somethin' on my mind?! Never – never – never – NEVER! AH HAHAHAHAHA! Haha... Yeah.†The boy went back to staring at his hands as if they were the most interesting things in all of the worlds. “Um... except this one thing.... Axel, do you know what day it is...?†he asked softly.
    “Uh... Tuesday?â€
    Demyx shook his head. “Not just any Tuesday, Axel... It's the Tuesday following after the waxing crescent moon in Halloween Town right before the Oogie Boogie does the Hokey Pokey and turns himself around!â€
    “That's what it's all about?!†Axel cried.
    Demyx clapped twice sadly.

    “No way!†Axel cried. “Th-that day is TODAY?!â€
    Demyx nodded. “Yep... I'm sorry to telly you this, Axel, but... It's THAT time of month again...â€
    Axel gulped. “Y...You mean...â€
    “That's right...†Demyx sighed. “It's... bath night.â€

    Axel felt his blood run cold.

    “B...But it c-can't be...†he murmured past numb lips. “I....It can't!â€
    Demyx shrugged and nodded. “Apparently, it can. Axel, you stink!â€
    “No, I DON'T! I took a bath just yesterday!â€
    Demyx sighed. “Washing with gasoline, alcohol, or oil doesn't really count, Axel.â€
    “B-But what about—â€
    “Neither does lighting yourself on fire on the roof. Really, Axel – it's gotten so bad that Zexion's been getting nosebleeds every time he walks past your room! We can smell you all the way to Hollow bastion. On a clear night, we might even get the Olympus Colosseum!â€

    Demyx stood up with a sigh.â€Now, c'mon, Axel. We can do this the easy way or the hard way! Or... the medium way. Or the semi-medium-easy hard-way. OR the sorta-hard-with-a-touch-of-awkward-easy-difficult-challenging way.â€

    Silence. Axel only looked up at Demyx like a cornered, scared rabbit might look at a hungry wolf.

    Demyx narrowed his eyes. “So that's the way ya wanna play it, huh...?†He grabbed Axel's hand and tried to pull him out of his his seat. “You're gonna... HAVE to... get into... that TUB, Axel! Now—â€
    “DON'T TOUCH ME!â€

    Demyx screamed as Axel singed his hand and jerked it back. He gasped, rubbing his hand as the redhead jumped to his feet, his face twisted in an expression of pure rage and fear. “Y-You're just like THEM! Get AWAY from me, you PSYCHO!!!†he screamed, dashing into a corridor of darkness.

    Demyx groaned, following him through the portal. “Here we go...†he sighed.


    “Axel! Axel, where are you?! Come back!†Demyx cried, running through the dirty streets of Agrahbah with his sitar in hand. “Axel, c'mon! The sooner we do this, the sooner it'll be over with!â€

    Axel peeked around a corner at him.
    “I SAW THAT!â€
    He cursed, and ducked back around, narrowly dodging a well-aimed ball of water and scampered off.
    “AXEL! Get back here!†Demyx cried, dashing after him. “DON'T MAKE ME USE THIS THING! By golly, I WILL USE IT IF YOU DON'T STOP RIGHT NOW!!!â€

    Wow – Demyx never knew how FAST Axel could run! The redhead sped through the dusty streets like the Roadrunner on those old cartoons he watched with Lexaeus every Saturday morning. Demyx, quite literally, was left in the dust, hacking and coughing the fine film of dirt trapped in his lungs and waving his hand around to clear the air. The dust was actually so thick, the ball of water in his hand turned into a ball of jiggly mud. He dropped it to the ground, seeing that it was now useless. He was trying to CLEAN Axel – not make him even dirtier!

    When he could finally see again, all that was left was a portal faaaaaar on the other end of the street.

    ... Oh... Snap...

    The boy broke into a frantic sprint toward the corridor of darkness, as if the devil himself were after him. A thin bead of sweat trickled down his face. Please don't close before I get there, please don't close before I get there, PLEASE don't close before I get there...!

    The portal was either not a very good listener, or not able to read minds. It began to close anyway.

    Oh, CRAP!

    With a shrill whoop, the boy dove into the portal before it could close and pace-planted into a thick stalk of bamboo. With a groan, he sat up, rubbing his head, blinked, and whined. Land of the Dragons?! Is he planning to take me on a road-trip or something?

    Just then, he saw a flash of red in the bamboo forest. Quick as a whip, he spun around, and sent a surge of water in that direction. Axel screamed like a little girl and began scaling the nearest stalk like a monkey. Unfortunately, he wasn't a very GOOD monkey; the bamboo snapped halfway up, and he tumbled to the ground with a WHUMPF!


    Axel rolled out of the way, and then under went a rather complex series of jumps, back-flips, cartwheels, and whatever else he needed to do to dodge and water-missiles from Demyx. When he felt he couldn't keep it up any longer, he fired his own blast of fire at the boy.

    Demyx shrieked and ducked. When he dared to look up again, Axel was already sprinting down to the camp. Demyx gave a haggard sigh, and dragged himself to his feet.

    Here we go again...


    Demyx felt as if he had followed Axel to the the ends of the Earth and back. They'd started the chase at ten in the morning, but now it was at LEAST six in the evening, and the redhead STILL was showing no sign of slowing down! Defeated and disappointed, Demyx headed back home to rest. To his surprise, he found someone else in his room!

    “... Huh? Lexxy? What're you doing here, silly pants?†the sweaty boy laughed, stumbling forward for a hug.
    Lexaeus laughed , hugging back. “Hello, Demyx... Today's movie night – Xigbar sent me to find you...†The man sniffed. “... Demyx, I don't mean to be rude, but you smell awful...â€
    Demyx sighed. “It's that time of month again...†he grumbled.

    “Yeah – I know! And I can't CATCH him! He's, like, as fast as.. as... PSHOOM! I just, like, BLINK, and all of a sudden, he's, like, GONE! And I'm like 'WHOA!' and he's like, 'YOU SHALL NOT EVER CATCH ME ALIVE NOOB – LOLOLOLOL!' and I'm all like, 'AWWWWWW!' and I—I-It's like...†He flailed his arms around aimlessly. “NYAAAAUGGGGGHHHH!!! Ya know?!â€

    Lex smiled gently, just barely holding back his laughter. “Yes, Demyx, I know exactly what you mean... I've been down that same road many times before.†He sat on the bed, patting the space next to him. Demyx obediently followed, pouting.

    Lex chuckled slightly and gently gave the boy a small hug. “Let me give you a hint as to a technique I happened upon last time that might work this time as well...†He motioned the boy closer with his index finger.

    Demyx blinked and leaned over, listening as Lexaeus whispered his plan into his ear. Suddenly, he gasped, eyes twinkling.

    “LEXXY!†he exclaimed, jumping to his feet. “You're a GENIUS! Thanks so much!!!â€

    With a last, short hug, the boy scampered off into a portal. Lex chuckled again, shaking his head.


    Axel jogged down the street of Twilight Town, panting lightly. Can't get wet, can't wet, can't get we—OOOOOH!!!

    He screeched to a stop suddenly, grinning as his eyes caught sight of an ice cream stand across the street. A young man with a large, shady hat and dark blue denim overalls was grinning and handing a double-scoop of strawberry and chocolate to a little girl and waving her off. Upon closer inspection, he could see that the stand also sold sea-salt ice cream.

    Axel's mouth began watering almost instantly. He jogged in place for a bit, looking around, to see if any water assassins were lurking, but luckily, the coast was clear. He grinned and jogged over. It can't hurt to have ONE little snack, right? I've been running from Demyx all day!

    Once he got to the front of the line, he ordered, “One sea-salt ice cream bar, please!â€
    The man nodded silently, the shadow of his hat shading his face, and handed over Axel's request.
    Axel licked his lips hungrily, and reached for it, but just when his fingers were brushing the Popsicle stick...

    “HA! Gotcha!â€


    Axel gasped as the man grabbed his writs and promptly handcuffed their hands together. “Let's try to see you run away NOW!†the stranger cried triumphantly.
    Axel gasped as the man tilted the hat up, revealing his face. “DEMYX?!†With a howl of rage, he yanked his hand back. “LET ME GO! NO, NO! I WON'T GO!!!â€
    Demyx held onto his wrist with two hands, baring his teeth. “Yes... You... WILL! Now come on!â€

    He tugged the yowling redhead away through a portal to his bathroom. The bath was already full and ready. The sight of the water made the redhead turn white as a sheet. The screams got more frequent and high-pitched as Demyx grabbed a mesh of steel wool and began yanking off Axel's boots and socks.

    “No! NO! Demyx, DON'T! I-I thought we were FRIENDS!!!â€
    “We ARE friends, Axel, but you have to take a bath every month! You signed a CONTRACT! And it's my job to make sure you go through with it!†came Demyx's muffled reply as he began tearing off Axel's shirt with his teeth.
    “JOB?! A-Are they paying you?! I can pay you! BIG munny! Please, Demyx – just let me go!†he sobbed. “I can't go OUT like this!â€
    “Axel, just shut up and get in the tub! Don't make me force you!â€

    There was slight grunting, signaling a start of yet another battle, and then a definite hissing sound as Demyx forced Axel into the water – followed by a high-pitched shriek and frantic splashing.

    “Axel, be still – you're gonna make me fa—AUUGHHH!! NOW you've done it! Look at me – I've gotten my god overalls all WET!â€
    More sobbing. “I'm melting! I'm melting...! Why won't anybody SAVE me from this psychopath?!â€

    From outside the door, a cloaked figure was listening with his hand over his mouth, giggling slightly.

    “Well...†Zexion chuckled after he'd composed himself once more. “Maybe some good has come out of this AFTER all... Demyx DID break the record – I mean, wow! It only took him ten hours!â€

    ~The End~


    Ah, Zexion, you loveable *******. X'DDD We love you muchly. <3

    Yes, people. More "LOVE LEXAEUS, DEMMIT! :yelling:" propaganda. Originally, that spot was going to be filled with Xigbar, but I've given the dude enough screentime before. XD Lexaeus is in DESPERATE need of fans! Don't make a grown man cry! Convert into Lexxy-ism today! 8DDD (Only for ten easy payments of 49.99! X'DDD)


    Ummm.... Yeah. I feel like the funniest part of this whole fic was the beginning... BEFORE I started getting tired and started half-arsing so that I could hurry up with this and get back with the Christmas Special. ^^; It was starting to get a bit long for a one-shot, so I decided to cut out a lot of ideas in the middle.

    ... BABBLING!Demyx = LUB. X'DDD

    “Yeah – I know! And I can't CATCH him! He's, like, as fast as.. as... PSHOOM! I just, like, BLINK, and all of a sudden, he's, like, GONE! And I'm like 'WHOA!' and he's like, 'YOU SHALL NOT EVER CATCH ME ALIVE NOOB – LOLOLOLOL!' and I'm all like, 'AWWWWWW!' and I—I-It's like...†He flailed his arms around aimlessly. “NYAAAAUGGGGGHHHH!!! Ya know?!â€

    Probably one of the funniest quotes I've ever given that little guy. X'DDD Plus, who else can TOTALLY see him singing the Rainbow Monkey song - no matter HOW disturbing it may be? Be honest. X'DDD

    And yes. I'm well aware of how wrong the last part sounds. Get over it. X'DDD As funny as it is, there is absolutely NO way you can portray one grown man giving another grown man a bath as RIGHT. I know. >.>;;; I've tried.

    P.S., Have you ever found yourself hot and exhausted on a steaming summer day? Are you too lazy to go out and buy a treat for yourself when the icecream truck comes to town? Or are you just curious as to what semen tastes like? Then come on over to Twilight Town and get your own Sea-Salt icecream cart TODAY! =DDD It comes pre-stocked with sea-salt icecream along with 10 other delicious flavors! A 100-munny value, absolutely FREE! All you have to do to get your Pre-stocked sea-salt icecream cart is run down to your nearest Funny Bunny Inc. store or call 1-234-567-890 and make ten easy payments of 599.99! (Plus shipping and handling.) So call now! 8DDD
  2. Firekeyblade Hollow Bastion Committee

    May 26, 2007
    Oh my god......:D I haven't laughed so much in a long time. You've done it yet again. Heh heh heh....
  3. Amber PLUR

    Sep 5, 2007
    I already commented on this on dA, but it still made me laugh XD

    Psh, they should just grab Axel while he's alseep next time XD

    Grab him, stick him in the shower, lock the door, turn on the water by remote, and RUN XD

    Now go write the Christmas Special so I can give you the cookie I promised you XD

    *brick't for XD abuse*

    PS: What program do you use now? I remember you saying something was wrong with MS Word...
  4. 2Foxxie4U ~The Forgotten Crusader...~

    Oct 22, 2006
    The internet! Duh!
    If they did that, he'd wreck the place and poral out... Besides - he wouldn't really WASH - she'd just get wet and come out with that even WORSE wet-dog smell. X'DDD

    So, they found that the most effective way to clean him is to grab some soap, get a wad of steel-wool and go to work. X'DDD No matter HOW much hell he raised.

    And now I'm using Open Office. It's not NEARLY as good as Word, but it's good enough, I suppose... ;w;

    Thank you, friend. ;w; You make an old, wash-up feel very good about herself. <333
  5. Wulphie! Gummi Ship Junkie

    Jan 20, 2008
    Right behind you .
    That was funny HILARIOUS!
    I was laughing so hard!
  6. 2Foxxie4U ~The Forgotten Crusader...~

    Oct 22, 2006
    The internet! Duh!
    Thanks. X'DDD I have plenty more where that came from, if you're interested! Come again!
  7. ♦Demon♥Angel♦ Gummi Ship Junkie

    Feb 26, 2008
    &lt;&lt;insert witty comment here&gt;&gt;
    Loved it. Has always. XDD Keep up th good work.

    Got to love Lexy, and his manlyness. Thaqt payment of 49.99 was owrth it.
  8. 2Foxxie4U ~The Forgotten Crusader...~

    Oct 22, 2006
    The internet! Duh!
    Lexaeus is SO worth it any day. XD
  9. Maka Albarn It's called love

    May 7, 2008
    Fairy Tail
    Wow... lol! I liked how you wrote it, I could see everything perfectly in my head while reading it. XD Nice writing skillz.
  10. 2Foxxie4U ~The Forgotten Crusader...~

    Oct 22, 2006
    The internet! Duh!
    Thanks a lot. X'DDD It took a long time to get where I am. ^^ After I read it again to myself, I could bearly believe I'd done it all in 2 or 3 days.

    Come again!
  11. Smackdoodle McGiggles Hollow Bastion Committee

    Jan 4, 2009
    wow great job
  12. Konefeddi Destiny Islands Resident

    Dec 7, 2008
    lol, at first I thought it waz Larxy's T.O.M. but I guess it ended out to be Axel's lol, good work!
  13. 2Foxxie4U ~The Forgotten Crusader...~

    Oct 22, 2006
    The internet! Duh!
    Thanks, pal. XD

    Yeah - the point was to make people THINK that, but if you've visited my stuff before, you'd know that I'd NEVER do anything THAT obvious. X'DDD Finding out new and creative ways to mislead my readers is kinda what I DO.
  14. W7F King's Apprentice

    Jul 22, 2007
    Jax Beach, FL
    XD! You've still got it. Come back or I'll make you. *holds up chains*
  15. 2Foxxie4U ~The Forgotten Crusader...~

    Oct 22, 2006
    The internet! Duh!
    Awww... Why don't you come see me at DA instead? =C You'd get more bonus stuff like dubs that I've done and awesome RP moments and such...

    It'd be awesome... ;w;
  16. ♦Demon♥Angel♦ Gummi Ship Junkie

    Feb 26, 2008
    &lt;&lt;insert witty comment here&gt;&gt;
    Tell me about it.

    I love it so much I keep rereading it!
  17. 2Foxxie4U ~The Forgotten Crusader...~

    Oct 22, 2006
    The internet! Duh!
    Thank you! ^^ I'm updating another story as we speak! ;P Just guess which one!