The war Bye CFF3 Chapter1:it begins I got up the next morning,the fog was grayer than a gray crayon, i grabed my long Sword i could smell fear as i walked out of my apartment,"Stay back!!" Police officers shouted "What is wrong with me" the words kept going through my mind "is it the way i look?" i ran back up the apartment stairs to the silver glass and,i was a monster,i walked outside and told them that it was ok i had found my self like this"SHOOT HIM!!" the army men said "how did they get set up like this and know i was like this?" i said in my mind"I TOLD YOU HE WAS A MONSTOR!" A women screamed "she was spying on me" i said under my cold breath BOOM!! a missile shot right towards me i made some sort of shield it was dark"i must have powers" i said under my mind,my fist started glowing "people plz im not going to hurt you" "GET HIM!!" The army shot again "Ok thats it i warned you!!" I came slashing through the army" sunofa*****" the army scream,i slashed there heads off one bye one. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- chapter 2: coming soon.
Erm... fix your spelling errors, use words like "soldiers" instead off "army men", work on the plot of the story and make a better intro. This sounds more like a chapter 6 then an opening chapter :/
Why you always say something bad to someone i said it was the begging can't you read the chapter so that means the war starts.
Im just giving good suggestions! I know the story can be better if you fixed some things. Your off to a good start though.
CFF, I'm just wondering, are you trying?>.> Or are you just writing down some random crap to increase your posts?
Work on your grammar, spelling, and punctuation. Work on format, secondly. Read more books, learn more about writing. To me, this seems like you're just typing stuff in a post. Here's a very important thing to do: Go into Microsoft Word, and THINK THINK THINK about what you type. Because this sounds like here-and-now writing that is extremely vague and linear. Keep trying. =/
Hm...right...I had to read that like a few times just to understand what was going on. Think about what you are going to write and don't just put down random stuff down. If you are going to write a story, it needs plot development and character development. You can't just have the character have powers *clicks* like that. Start small.
