Discussion in 'Archives' started by Doukuro, Jan 25, 2009.

  1. Doukuro Chaser

    Jun 29, 2007
    :.Sweetest Elixir.:

    This story mixes current beliefs of vampires with my new made up ideas of them that I think are awesome. (Key words: I THINK.) Though there are two problems. One: I have yet to make a name for it and Two: I have no will to finish it let alone continue writing, (and help/suggestions through pms would be nice.)

    Ever seen Blade? Well the rating of this story MIGHT end up the same of that.

    So here's what I got so far...(Written while distracted... but Ima always distracted so meh xD)

    :.Sweetest Elixir.:


    Everyone wishes that they could go back in time and change every little detail that they don't like in their life, but we have to learn that time travel isn't possible for our kind. We can't change something just because we don't like it. We can't change the past nor can we change ourselves. But as time moves forward we can change how we act, behave and what we do. For better or for worse. And maybe the small changes that we do make can make our futures better. Maybe...
    This thought is the only thing that keeps me going. Living through every horrid day after day. I always think how lame I am afterwards though... Maybe I should just end my miserable existence. No more pain that way. The easy way out... It's not like I'll leave anything behind. Family's gone. Never had any real friends. I don't even have any hope left, a meaningless life. Waste of skin and air...
    “You're in my spot.â€
    The nervous voice brought me back to reality. A nervous looking person was staring at her fidgeting hands. She was dressed in rags and dirt and was afraid to make eye contact with anyone.
    “Sorry.†I murmured and stood, making sure my dark green messenger bag didn't fall from my shoulders before walking out of the back alley where homeless people, like myself, hanged out.
    Maybe that's how I would look like within a few days...
    I looked down at my clothes. Though they still looked new they were starting to get dirty and I had no way to wash them.
    I let out a deep sigh, watching my breath whirl in the air. Seeing that reminded my body of how cold it was. So I zipped up my jacket with shivering hands that went into my pockets afterwards before carrying on down the sidewalk.
    In a city like this no one really paid you any attention and there wasn't many people around this area so early in the morning. Later it'd be crowded with people, bumping into each other and maybe give a sorry before going on and forgetting about whoever they bump into. Rather not be stuck in crowds... guess I should go back around home.
    It took a few hours to reach the smaller parts of the city where cars zoomed by and only a bike or two passed me by.
    The sun was overhead when I crossed a small bridge and the church close by. Not too far away was the graveyard. I thought about entering for while I stood at the entrance. I gave up on excuses on why shouldn't I go in and ended up looking for the graves of my family, which were placed side by side, all four of them.
    I got on my knees in front of my mother's grave and fought back tears. “I'm so sorry that I couldn't help...â€
    “It's sad when parents die and leave their kid behind...†My head turn so quick that I felt lightheaded. An average looking man was crouched down two graves over.
    Being as paranoid and antisocial as I was I got to my feet and turned away, only to bump into something as hard as a wall which knocked me down. “Ow...†I said under my breath while rubbing my head. I then looked up to see what I had hit and was gazing up on a tall man.
    I moved backwards a little before remembering about the other guy. When I turned my head to look back he was right there, only a few inches away, still crouching down. How? I didn't hear him move.
    “You want to be able to help people? Be strong enough to protect everyone and yourself?†He said with a grin.
    I looked away and struggled to stand only to be pulled back down by my hair.
    “I shall bless you give power. The only price you must pay is loyalty.†When he opened his mouth two of his teeth sharpened into fangs. Was I in a movie or something?
    I couldn't get free from him before those fangs punctured into my neck. Before I could let out a scream the other man cover my mouth. I snapped my eyes shut and prayed for it to end quickly. Was this the answer for me wishing for my own death?
    The teeth was removed from my neck and warm blood started to flow down.
    “Looks like you made a good choice on this one. Her blood is the sweetest blood that I've drank in a long time.†The man said as he fingered the holes in my neck, making them hurt even more.
    The other man laughed.“Told you I had good taste.
    “That you did... Well about time she went to sleep.†A sharp, stinging pain stabbed me in the bite marks, making me go limp. After that everything faded away quickly until darkness overcame me.

    Stage One

    So... cold.
    I pulled the sheets up and tried to go back to sleep.
    I jumped up into a sitting position and looked around.
    This isn't my room...
    “Her blood wasn't quite like the others...â€
    “How so?â€
    “I can't explain... It was just... different. Bittersweet... We've got to keep an eye on this one.â€

    The voices in my head were blurred out and distant, but at the same time they were yelling.
    “Owie...†I rubbed my head as it started to ring.
    What to do, what to do...
    I looked around with my hand still on my head and saw that the room was bare expect for the bed on which I lay, black curtains blocking out the morning sun, a dresser across from the bed, and the door diagonally from me.
    I got up and walked towards it and upon reaching it I turned the knob. Locked. Damn it...
    I knocked on the door. “Hello!? Someone has to be there! Let me out of here, now!†My demands were ignored and I gave up trying after a while. With my back to the door I slid down to the ground and hugged my knees. I wanted to cry, it was the perfect time to, but no tears came. They all were dried up.


    It seemed like hours before I finally heard footsteps on the other side of the door. With a gasp I quickly got to my feet and backed away from the door, observing it like something dangerous and bracing myself for whatever might come from it.
    But nothing came.
    I sighed with relief and as soon as I did the door swung open with a slam. Standing in the doorway was the same man who covered my mouth. He had to tilt his head a little to enter and with every step of his I stepped back.
    “You're a vampire, right?â€
    He grinned. “Of course.â€
    “Well, what do you want with me? If you wanted just my blood... then I would be dead by now, correct?â€
    He laughed. “A vampire lover, am I right? What's amusing is that you hide your fear so well expect for the fact you're afraid to get close to me.â€
    “That's not an answer.â€
    He laughed once again. “Sassy as well. Well you're alive because we are recruiting vampires and it's hard to find a loyal already existing vampire-
    “So you're making your own.†I finished for him. “And is the whole getting bit on ceremonial ground bonds me and the bitter for entirety real or just bogus.â€
    “Oh, it's a hundred percent real.†The third voice came from right beside me and caused me to jump, nearly stumbling sideways. It was the one who bit me.
    I tried to recollect myself quickly, after all I was already in the belly of the beast. “Well, I don't feel bonded to you.â€
    “Is that so... Well just try to leave this building.†He held out his hand towards the door and I followed the gesture with my eyes, tempted, but knew that there had to be strings attached. “Well? Too afraid to even try?†With a smirk he walked towards me and I backed up without thought until hitting the wall. “Just like a scared dog...†He placed his hand on my neck and found the bite wounds which he made. “Tell me... Do you want to live... Or die like a dog?â€
    “I'm not a dog.†I muttered, barely audible. I seem to be losing my voice from fear.
    He grinned before looking back at the tall man and nodded at him. “Then you must be hungry, right?â€
    “Not really...†That was a lie. I've been starving for the whole week since my food supply ran dry.
    He backed away with a chuckle.
    “Bring it in.†The tall man said and moved out of the way.
    Now standing in the door way was a female, must have been another vampire. Her short red hair was tucked behind her ears and her skin was pale as mine. And in her hand was a chain, linked to handcuffs. And bonded by the cuffs was a man, shaking in fear, but not daring to speak. He was covered in blood and dirt and his presence made the room stink.
    The female pushed the man forward, and thus making him fall to his knees. “One rat as the master asked.â€
    “Thank you.†The shorter of the two males said before the female vampire left with the tall man. “Now your first act as a vampire is the most natural one of any vampire.†He walked to the dirt and blood stained man, pulling him to his feet by the collar of his shirt. “Drink his blood.â€
    I shook my head without thought. I didn't want to be one of them, calling human beings rats.
    “Of course that's your reply. Haven't been a newbie vampire who hasn't given that reply yet... unless they were totally morbid that is...†The vampire dragged the man towards me and exposed his neck and with a quick movement, that I didn't catch, the man's neck was now cut, perfectly so the man was dead like that, but the blood was spraying everywhere. He released the collar of the dead man who fell to the ground then headed out with grace that vampires were infamous for. “Have a nice lunch.†He said as the door closed behind him.
    What happened next was unreal. I was there, but unable to control my body as I got to my knees to suck the blood from the dead man's neck before it was all on the ground and wasted.
    I really was a dog.
  2. Arch Mana Knight

    Oct 5, 2007
    D8 Did I read right? Vamps in the day? ; ; Oh well.

    Very well written. Why can't ya normally have no grammar errors like your stories? *slapped*

    I liked it. MOAR!
  3. Doukuro Chaser

    Jun 29, 2007
    You want traditional boring vampyres? Dx

    I had grammar errors? *Dies*

    Fine, I'll be typing it again soon, maybe. Maybe tomorrow after school.
  4. Aura Goddess

    Feb 8, 2008
    Safest Haven
    It was good. And you did have a few grammar errors but good. I can't really give that much critic, except that maybe be sure to check your grammar. >>

    That's about it. XD

    Continue it woman. D8<
  5. Doukuro Chaser

    Jun 29, 2007
    *Updated* =D

    Going to be bloody... *Goes to add rating warning*
  6. Aura Goddess

    Feb 8, 2008
    Safest Haven
    Very nice RA. I didn't see any grammar errors, so this chapter was done well. Nothing big but there is a small mistake.

    Instead of putting "caused me to jump" you put "caused my the jump". Doesn't make sense. Its nothing big but I think you should fix it. XD Overall, very good.
  7. Doukuro Chaser

    Jun 29, 2007
    *Looks at clock* Yeah...thank you for pointing that out to me ^^
  8. ♦Demon♥Angel♦ Gummi Ship Junkie

    Feb 26, 2008
    &lt;&lt;insert witty comment here&gt;&gt;
    i love it!!! 8d