YAY!!! My First Fan Fic: NOBODY WARS

Discussion in 'Archives' started by rIkUsBlaD3_999, Mar 8, 2008.

  1. rIkUsBlaD3_999 Merlin's Housekeeper

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    YAY!!! My Fan Fic: NOBODY WARS

    so here it is
    ive never posted a fan fic anywhere before, but i have done quite a few.
    i hope this is as good as I want it to be. ENJOY!!!
    if you like it, subscribe for more chapters.


    CHAPTER 1

    Sora woke up. He was sweating furiously. He could feel his heart throwing itself against his ribs, and he was panting.

    He’d been dreaming about his first encounter with Ansem (or that was who he said he was); when he fought through the heartless to get to Riku, who was possessed by this demon! He remembered, throwing all his strength at them – he couldn’t fail now, when he was so close. All the worlds he had saved, keyholes he had locked, heartless he had killed…it would all be for nothing. And Riku would be trapped in darkness forever. And Kairi would be dead.

    Then he killed himself, plunged the keyblade into his own heart. And he drifted away. He would never forget what it felt like to die. Drifting slowly into darkness, all lights fading away…and something waiting for him down there, something roaring. And screaming, distant but clear – all the other people who had died before him…

    Then there was a flash of light and Kairi was in his arms, hugging him close. But in this dream, that didn’t happen. He saw a door, and he was getting closer, and closer, until something came at him, a heartless soldier, snarling.
    That was when he awoke.

    He wouldn’t have been so bothered if it was just a normal dream. But it hadn’t been. It was a dream of his past.

    And why that past? Why not something else…from when he fought Xemnas, and Organisation XIII. What about when he had fought 1000 heartless at once in the war, at Hollow Bastion? He just didn’t understand.

    ‘Sora!! God, Sora!!! Wake up!!’

    Sora recognised the familiar voice of Kairi. He suddenly snapped back into real life and climbed out of bed.

    ‘Yeah…whatever. I’m up.’

    He pulled on some proper clothes and unlocked the door. Kairi stumbled in.

    ‘Come on, Sora, you’ve been in bed for hours. Its half 3!!!’

    ‘Really?’ Sora followed Kairi through his kitchen, and outside onto the beach. It was a sunny day, as usual, not a cloud in sight. The heat was beating down on them both, and the sea was clear as glass. Sora yawned, and stretched his arms out wide. He loved his life.

    Kairi giggled, and looked at Sora. He put his arms round her, and kissed her on the forehead. She looked at him dreamily for a few seconds, and then kissed him back, on the cheek. They both stood there for about half a minute, smiling at each other, and then Sora stepped away and looked around.

    ‘Ok, where’s Riku? I promised I’d fight him today.’

    ‘Err…I think he’s at the waterfall, near the secret place.’

    ‘I thought I told you not to call it that anymore. We’re not kids now.’

    ‘Right, okay.’ Kairi murmured, rolling her eyes, ‘Off you go.’

    Sora nodded at her, and then ran away through the sand. The boy was happy. He had great friends, a great girlfriend, and a great home.

    He was 16 now, and so was Kairi, but Riku was almost 17. It had been 2 years since they had got back to Destiny Islands after saving the world. The events of the battles sometimes played back in Sora’s mind, but he knew they were distant now. Organisation XIII was gone, and the Heartless were somewhere else. Nothing was likely to bother him again.

    He could even see his other friends, Donald, Goofy and Mickey if he wanted to. Disney Castle was connected to them by a special rift, which had been discovered a few days after the return. Mickey seemed to think it had been forged by the strong friendship in their hearts, but Riku had bad feelings about it. He said it was evil, some kind of dark plan. Sora used it often though, catching up with Donald and Goofy every fortnight. It was really handy.

    Sora found his swords outside the tree-house. His keyblade was in the corner, covered in cobwebs and dust. He would never have to use it again. The other two were easy to see – his old wooden one, and his rusty metal one. He picked up the rusty metal one and walked off to find Riku.

    Yeah, so please subscribe to this thread for more chapters. I bet you can't wait lol.
     
  2. Fearless A good and beautiful child

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    no, i cant wait lolz.
    its really good, but the ages are wrong. but thats okay since its a fanfic lolz.
     
  3. rIkUsBlaD3_999 Merlin's Housekeeper

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    the ages are only wrong by a year.
    but anyway i'll change it to 2 years later, instead of 3 years later. thanks
     
  4. Destined Working for WDW

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    Interesting opening, you may just want to play around with the wording a little bit...sounds...off. You seem to like sticking with the 3rd person past tense, which is ok, but maybe try and make your story seem like it's happening now.

    Also, not sure if you've considered it, but the italic font could be removed, seems hard to read. I'd recommend editing the font and doublespacing after each dialogue.

    Keep it up.
     
  5. Fearless A good and beautiful child

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    *points up* er... yea, what he said
     
  6. rIkUsBlaD3_999 Merlin's Housekeeper

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    kk thanks 4 the help!!
     
  7. rIkUsBlaD3_999 Merlin's Housekeeper

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    WOOP chapter 2 =P

    This chapter kinda sucks. It was hard to write, but I don't think I did a very good job anyway. OK, well enjoy - Dont let this chapter put you off!! I've written half of the next one and its GREAT!!!!


    CHAPTER 2

    Donald lay back, on the sun bed, looking up at the blue sky. He watched sleepily as white birds flew over ahead, under the clouds. The bright yellow sun to his right lit up the sky and the beautiful fields that lay stretched out in front of him. He was so warm, as if he was lying on a heater, and he was incredibly relaxed. The weather was amazing.

    But, like Daisy said, it wouldn’t last long. So he had to make the most of it. He had been here, lounging around and sunbathing in the picturesque castle gardens, with Goofy, his best friend, for the past 2 months. Mickey would be back soon, and he would be able to join them.

    ‘Goofy.’

    ‘Yup, Donald!’ Goofy goggled, turning to look at him.

    ‘Do ya think everythin’s gonna be okay?’

    ‘Errm…not sure whatya mean there, Donald.’

    ‘I mean…with all the heartless and the nobodies an’ stuff.’

    ‘Ye, o’ course.’

    ‘Good.’

    They both turned back to look at the sky. Donald breathed in and out deeply. It was a great life.

    Then, it was just a glimpse, a slight flash, but it made both him and Goofy leap up. In the sky there had been a white light spinning and flashing, and it meant something was coming.

    ‘KING MICKEY!!!’ squealed Donald in excitement and shot out of the gate, Goofy following cheerily behind him.

    The Gummi Ship came where it usually came, landing in the courtyard. Mickey stepped out, smiling, and grinned at Donald, who was leaping at him.

    ‘Hey, wait for me Donald!!!’ Goofy wobbled over.He ran to Mickey and started immediately asking him questions about his journey.

    ‘Woah, woah, guys!’ Mickey laughed, ‘I’ve only been a way half a year!!’

    ‘It’s so sunny here!’ exclaimed Donald, ‘Look! You don’t know what you’ve been missing out on!’

    ‘Okay, okay,’ Mickey walked over to the sun beds and sat down, taking Donald’s place. ‘Don’t get too excited about everything though; there are some things I have to warn you about.’

    Donald and Goofy exchanged worried glances.

    ‘It’s just a warning, nothing serious, but I’ve been looking into it for a while.’

    ‘Tell us.’

    ‘So, you know that when Sora died, shortly afterwards – Roxas came into Organisation XIII?’

    ‘Yup!’

    ‘The Organisation has always been called Organisation XIII, because it’s always had 13 members in it. So, before Roxas came in, there was another member. But, one day he dropped out, and later that day, Roxas came in.’

    ‘So?’ Donald asked.

    ‘He’s still alive. And we think he might be trying to rebuild the Organisation.’

    Nobody said anything. There was a sudden gust of wind and Donald shivered. It was the first time he had felt cold in a month.

    ‘Now, guys,’ Mickey said, standing up and chuckling, ‘it’s nothing serious. Even if he does rebuild the Organisation, it’s not likely he’ll make any big movements. And it’ll be way past our lifetimes that he does it.’

    On that, he jumped up and ran off yelling: ‘Howdy-ho, guys! I’m home!’ and was greeted by his wife at the entrance.

    Donald turned round. The sun was still shining.

    He smiled contentedly and lay back to rest, Goofy doing the same. Neither of them spoke for an hour.


    MORE COMING VERY SOON!!!!!