Yume's wish (a Sora/Roxas story)

Yume’s Wish A Kingdom Hearts fanfiction by Hopefulwishes

Chapter One ‘School’
+No one’s P.O.V+

An alarm went off. “RINGGGGGG!!!!†It went. “Ugh…it’s too early for this.†Spoke a small, petite girl with coal black hair and calm blue eyes softly. After close to 30 minutes, the small girl got out of her bed and slammed her fist into the alarm. Finally awake, she started her normal routine; take a shower, wash her face, and brush her teeth. Now there was only one thing left; to pick her school outfit for the day.

She looked in her closet, and found her favorite ensemble; her black, spaghetti-strapped dress with her white-lace shirt to go with it.

The girl was a beauty indeed, but not that she knew. She was sharp as a needle, but not when it came to her own looks. The girl was small, and short, but that did NOT stop her from having big dreams. She dreamed for fun, she dreamed for a life of adventure, she dreamed of… a life in Kingdom Hearts.
Yes, most people didn’t share her same view point; they all thought she was daft for even exorcizing the idea. But then again, she wasn’t normal. So it did not even matter. She believed that anything was possible, so she always kept her hopes up. There wasn’t a day that she stopped believing. …So destiny was gonna give her a little push towards making her dreams come true. Scratch that, destiny was gonna shove her hard into her dreams. Destiny favored the believers, who knew? Now all it had to do was wait for the right moment…

+ Yume’s P.O.V +
After I finished dressing, I looked at my self in the mirror. ‘Nice… well, at least I don’t look fat in it.’ As I looked at my (now broken) alarm, I started panicking. “WAIIIIIIIZUUUUUUU?!?!?!?!?!?†I screamed, “Why didn’t you wake me up?!?!?!?!??!!??!?!?†After my shout-session, I clambered downstairs to be greeted with my grinning brother, Waizu.
â€Ah, I see princess Yume has finally woken in order to grace us with her presence.†He spoke with a sly smile. Before he knew what was coming, he was viciously clobbered by an angry 15-year old. “You jerk!!!!†I shouted at him. “Hey, this is no time for name calling Yume. You’re gonna be late for school!†He spoke with a cat-like grin. “Don’t you think I know that?!? Honestly Waizu, I know you’re older than me, but don’t you think you could act a LITTLE more grown-up?†I lectured as we got into Waizu’s car and drove our way to school.

Once there, I didn’t even wait for the car to stop. I just jumped out and ran my way through the school to find my first-period class.

As I entered my class, I heard the late bell ring. “Just in time Hikahoshi-san.†Spoke a teacher. ‘He’s obviously a sub.’ I thought to myself. ‘My name isn’t Hikahoshi. It’s Hikaruhoshi, meaning bright star.’
“Okay class, we’re going to do chapters 8, 9, 10, 11 …†My consciousness faded as the sub was telling the class’s lesson for today.
Within the next hour, I was woken by my friend Irai. She had cheasnut hair, laughing green eyes, and a winning smile she is the dictionary picture of a best friend. “Hey, Yume. Wake up! The teach just left so now we have to finish our work.†She spoke enthusiastically. “Aww…..work. I HATE having to do work.†I told her lazily. “Well, okay then. We can bring our work home and have a slumber-party at your house to finish it.†She stated with a smile. “Aww, Irai. You always know how to make work seem less like⦠work.†I said with fake tears in my eyes, like a chibi. With that, the rest of the school day faded like nothing at all.

Just to let you all know, I'm not gonna post any more untill people statr replying! >.<

 

Overall, it was good. I liked and I'm looking forward to it. But what I'm questioning, what does P.O.V mean? Still good story, keep it up.

 

:D

P.O.V. means Point of View. Thanks for the feed back, i REALLY appriciate it.

Chapter Two ‘The sleepover’
On the long walk home, Irai kept suggesting weird pranks to play on Waizu. “Maybe we could stuff mice in his socks. I mean, he IS afraid of them. …. Plus, it would be fun to see him scream and run away.â€
“Nah that won’t work…he doesn’t wear socks.†I stated glumly. “Really?! Gross! I’m totally gonna use that as blackmail.†She spoke, giggling evilly to herself. “Ugh…..good luck with that.†I mumbled to myself. ‘She probably doesn’t know that Waizu is the king of pranks.’

When we arrived at my house, we came to find a note on the door.
It said: “Yume, I’m at a friend’s house for the weekend. I’ll be back on Sunday, so feel free to invite Irai over for Weekend Company.†–Your loving Nee-san, Waizu.

“Loving my butt.†I stated, voice submitting to the irony. Irai, as usual, wasn’t listening. “Hey Yume-chan, do you have any snacks?â€
Proof. As I opened the door and walked into my living room, I noticed something; Irai was already inside. “Irai, how did you get in?†I stated in monotone. “Through the doggy door, why do you ask?†She stated, oblivious to the fact that it isn’t normal for 15-year old girls to come into a house through a doggy door. But the main point is, Irai wasn’t normal. She was Yume’s best friend, so no matter how she acted she was always accepted by her.



+No one’s P.O.V+

After about 30 minutes, all the slumber party prep was finished. The snacks were all out, all the pillows and blankets were sprawled out on the floor, and every single movie that the two girls could think of that were fantasy-related was there. In fact, I could say it was the perfect setting for any normal sleepover, but…that’s not what it’s gonna turn out to be.

+Yume’s P.O.V+
After putting the finishing touches to the living room, I changed into my pajamas, and then plopped down onto the couch. After about 15 minutes, Irai came downstairs as well.

Once we got settled down, we started chatting about our favorite topic: Kingdom Hearts. “Hey Yume, if you could actually be in Kingdom Hearts, which version would you’d rather be in?†questioned my best friend. “Well….KH 2!!!†I fangirl screamed. “I understand and everything Yume, but…why?†she questioned for the 27th time this week. “You know that already Irai! But…I’ll tell you again. Just. This. Once. I want to be in Kingdom Hearts 2 because Sora’s all grown up, and he isn’t as immature as he is in the first game. PLUS, he gets to transform into all these cool forms.†I answered. “Oh…I still don’t get it. I agree with you and everything, but that’s only ‘cause that guy Axel is there. He’s hot, get it? Or should I say, got it memorized?†she said with a huge grin on her face. “Oh, stop being such an airhead!†I shouted at her with fake anger as I tossed a pillow at her.

Just then, I decided to turn on my stereo, and start listening to ‘ROLLING STAR’ by YUI.

“Woooooo! Rock out!†Shouted Irai as we both started dancing.
After about 2 hours of rocking out to our favorite music, we decided to turn off the music and go out on the balcony for some hot cocoa.

Once outside, we both sat down on my hammock. “Hey Yume, look! A shooting star! Make a wish! Make a wish!†shouted Irai as she spotted a shining shooting star in the sky. “Okay, I wish, from the bottom of my heart, that I could be in Kingdom Hearts II for real.†I wished with my eyes closed. Then, I heard Irai. “Yeah, me too! I want to be in there with you! I want to meet all the Organization XIII characters as a nobody!†she shouted towards the star. “But a nobody with feelings right? ‘Cause it wouldn’t be fun if I hugged my best friend and she wouldn’t smile from the bottom of her heart.†I questioned, just as my whole balcony was engulfed by a shining, white light.

When my eyes started to get used to the light’s brightness, an unknown voice started to speak. “Ah dear Yume, your wish has been heard. So now your true destiny shall begin. Now, which path do you chose? Will you stick to the path of justice, the path of light? Or will you stray down the road of evil, the path of the dark?†“Light. My heart will not stray, for I believe in truth and justice.†I replied, but then I heard Irai speak. “I chose the path of noing. Free to roam between.†“So be it. Thine paths have been chosen, and you shalt be placed within the realm of Kingdom Hearts. Your hearts are strong, young ones, but will they be hard enough to face the dark? We will see in time.†Spoke the unknown voice. With that, I felt myself blackout.

 

Oooooo... kind of interesting... :D I likes it. Lemme suggest something though. When a person says something, make a new paragraph. That way people won't get confused on who's saying what. Other then that, a great job!.

 

Just use quotes, thats enough. Anyway, I like it, good job. Can't wait for the next chapter.

 

:D

R-really? You guys like it? I'm gonna write more! Just because you guys are soooooo nice! :glomp: You'll have to wait a day or two though, I'm writing alot of the upcoming chapters and answering mail and stuff at the same time, multitasking is so hard~ *whine* Oh well, I'lllive with it....Next chapter will be out in 1-2 days! :D

 

Wow, that good!! Hope you write more!!!

 

well, i can't say its bad.

but to tell the thruth, it would be preferable if you stopped using the P.O.V thing, i don't mean stop using the tactic, just blend it in with the writting, also this needs to be a bit more descriptive.

other than that, keep going, and please stop the threads about canceling the story.

why?

well, it only makes your story look bad, if your story is good, then there is really no need for you to do those kinds of things.

other than that i think that the first chapter should be a bit more descriptive(and longer)

needs better spacing also.

specially in convo's beetwen characters.

 

Keep up the good work, it's going well.

 

:)

Thank you for the suggestions, they're VERY well needed. :D And I'm sorry to all those people who thought my posting that thread was mean. I honestly don't know what was going through my head at the moment. I guess I was acting like a little kid, huh?

 

This story doesn't move and it's boring. There is little flow, you have grammatic errors and the dialogue isn't broken up correctly. Where are you trying to go with this? How is destiny going to impact Yume. Where are her parents, why couldn't they take her to school.

In all honest, I hate how you announce the point of view. I GET IT. If i can get it, you don't need to beat the reader over the head with the announcement. It takes the reader out of the text.

 

Awww, come on!!! *groans angrily*

That's just the way I understand things shades!! My sister wouldn't even understand my story if I didn't put that down!!! Destiny happens to show up in the next chapter BTW!!!!! Come on!!!!! I know your just trying to help, but OUCH!!!!​

 

The update also had some grammatical (or spelling) errors in them.
One example (I'm not going to correct them all unlike Shades, sorry):

Nee-san is used for older sisters, not brothers.

I couldn't really get into the story either. But maybe that's just me.
You should keep on writing though. You've got potential for sure.

 

You did kind of ask for it =/. Normally people don't post when the story isn't in a p.o.v, so it's odd to see it in the story.

 

... @_@

You guys are making me go CRAZY with the critizing! I didn't know how to spell Nii-san correctly, okay?!!?!? Man! I like the ideas though....but I don't understand what people want me to do INSTEAD of the P.O.V. thing...... T-T

 

Look, if you ask for critiques, then you should be able to accept what others give you. And my pet peeve is people who look at stories and tell the writer that they are awesome when they are full of crap. You won't see me tell any writer that their work sucks or that it is amazing. Every work has holes and problems that can be corrected. Even mine has holes.

Also just as a side note, if you don't want people to critique your work like this, don't ask for it if you can't handle it. You asked, I answered.

 

....

Well, I guess I DID ask for it......I'm gonna get the re-edited version of the story out soon ok? BTW: IT'S GONNA BE DIFFERENT FROM THE PLOT THAT IT WAS EARLIER!! It WILL be more detailed! :D I'll try my ABSOULUTE BESTEST!!!

 

blown off...

anyways shades resalted the P.O.V thing i said.

and ect....he just broke it down a bit more, you know?....

and also went all destructive on your work XD.

but, its good that you are able to understand that we are trying to help you (or in shades case destroy you)so you can be reborn from the ashes(after all shades pulverized you) and be a better writter.

ill check on this story often.

btw, you dont have to change the plot, its just bettering it.

 

..

Aww...and I had some good ideas for the new version too.....

 

youre not understanding are you now?

its your story, you do whatever you want with it.

but whatever you do now, its okay because you learned from your mistakes, and will most likely fix them.