Tales from the Saber

Your eyes open to reveal the steel ceiling of your space-faring craft, THE SABER. You smile once again, as you do every time you wake to see it, knowing that you are this ship's CAPTAIN.
Your name is MARUSHI. To the outside world you are generally UNKNOWN or DISLIKED, but in here you are in command, and rightly so; you created this shapeship from almost nothing.

You are in the CAPTAIN'S QUARTERS, now sat upon the CAPTAIN'S BED. Around you are all YOUR BELONGINGS, with the only exit being a DOOR directly opposite your bed.

Input Command
>

 

Go outside and order some lackeys around.

 

Declare war from under your bed because you can.

 

You exit your quarters through the single DOOR, having neglected to put on a change of clothes, in search of LACKEYS.
Fortunately, you are an incredibly sophisticated woman who puts on a fresh uniform immedietely before going to bed to prevent any awkwardness aboard your ship.
Suddenly you remember that you consider most of your crew to be equals, meaning that you do not have any LACKEYS to order around.

As you are no longer in the CAPTAIN'S QUARTERS, declaring WAR from under YOUR BED is impossible.

A tall shipmate comes into view, apparently walking towards you. The crewmember appears at first glance to be female, though you could quite easily be completely wrong, and most likely are.

Marushi?
>

 

Reply with: "Aye, what does ye be wantin'?"

EDIT: Argh, too late.

 

Tell someone to go get your bed so you can declare war from underneath it

 

"Hello!" you state cheerily towards your gender-unidentified companion.
Upon closer inspection, this crewmate is DarkTraitor, the gender-unspecified Planetary Kleptomaniac of the team.
The irony of calling him gender-unspecified is obviously the fact that you know for a fact, that he is male, though not that many others are aware of this.

"Ah, you're awake." comes the suddenly gender-identified crewmate's reply.

"Aye, what does ye be wantin'?" you say to him. You are ever so slightly distrustful of DarkTraitor since he has displayed an apparent romantic interest in you on multiple occasions. Normally this would not affect your behaviour towards anyone, but you are never quite sure if he is seriously interested, or whether it is some kind of LONG-RUNNING GAG he has going on.

"And get me my bed so that I can declare war from underneath it."
"I was just coming to wake you up for the important day. Uh, I'll go get your bed, I guess."
He wanders off into the CAPTAIN'S QUARTERS before you are able to react.
You seem to have forgotten what this IMPORTANT DAY is, and with DarkTraitor now elsewhere, you cannot ask him what he means.

Marushi?
>

 

Eat a taco...

 

You consume a single TACO, which you always have upon your person for this exact situation.
You would have recovered 10HP had you been injured.

 

Go in search of the First Mate, Loxare, to ask her what day this is.

 

You leave DarkTraitor, whose name I can no longer be bothered to make pink every time it is written, to your commands while you search for Loxare, your FIRST MATE. It will likely serve the creep right for being such a creep anyway.

You finally find Loxare on the BRIDGE of the ship, which makes perfect sense seeing as she in charge when you are absent or asleep.
Without greeting you ask her what day this is.
"Tuesday." she states.
You apparently should have been more specific with your query.

Marushi
> ?

 

.

Eat some icecream.

(I'm gonna make you fat, Marushi! ;3)

 

You consume a tasty and delicious ICE CREAM. You immedietely regret it, as the only ICE CREAM in your INVENTORY appears to have been Chocolate-Mint, which you truly dislike.
HP - 10. 40HP REMAINING.

Marushi
> ?

 

>_Go find DT and ask him to make it all better.

 

You ask.
Loxare laughs, apparently thinking you were joking. She quickly realises you are not.
"Today's when we take the Saber out for it's MAIDEN VOYAGE. Surely you haven't forgotten that already?" she says to you.

Whoawhoawhoawhoa -- What?
There are a great deal many things wrong with this picture. DarkTraitor was neither an original member of your crew, nor can this possibly be the first voyage of the Saber, you remember some of your DARING EXPLOITS clearly.

This is too much for you right now. You decide that DT, who is probably SCREWING WITH YOUR MIND again, will probably know something, and go ask him to stop.

You find him, still struggling to get YOUR BED out of the DOORWAY. YOUR BED is quite a bit larger than the DOORWAY, and so this is an obviously impossible challenge.

Marushi
> ? (This must be a question directed at DarkTraitor)

 

Find Rienzel after the things that have been listed above and tell him to destroy all mint chocolate ice cream in existence with his thermo nuclear laser

 

You mentally note to ask Rienzel to destroy all Chocolate-Mint Ice Creams in existence with his THERMO-NUCLEAR LASER when able.

You must still ask a question to DarkTraitor.

 

Ask "why do you love me so much?"

...couldn't think of anything...