Those who saw my previous thread know the background info (those who don't, please read it before you continue). So, as you know me and my girlfriend would've gone on a date this week and be a couple from now on. Unfortunately her grandgrandmother died this week and now she's sad and confused. Things you should know: I already talked with her about it (via text messaging though) and I said everything will be alright, that it just needs time. After 10 minutes she said she wanted to talk about something else (since then we didn't talk about it anymore). Yesterday a friend of ours said that she starts having doubts to be with me, but she's confused because of the exams (exhausted) and the death of a dear family member. She also said that I should talk with my girlfriend and actually go away with her and do something fun. Today's the funeral of her grandgrandmother. I don't know what to say actually and when to ask her to go somewhere with me. I'm afraid I will go to fast, that she isn't ready to actually go somewhere altough she said herself that she wants to get over it fast because it's vacation and she doesn't want to be sad because of that. She also said to our friend that there's almost nobody that she can go with somewhere in the vacation. Clearly I should go somewhere with her, this one I already figured out but I don't know when to ask her? Today's the funeral so I think it's best not to ask her today, but I want to talk to her today so what should I say to her today? As you have probably noticed I'm as confused as her. I love her, I really do and I want to help her, I don't wanna lose her but I don't know what to do to help her since she doesn't talk about it etc. So my questions are: 1) When should I ask her to go somewhere with her? 2) What should I say to her today? (knowing that she'll be emotional because of the funeral and that she's broken mentally because of the exams and the death of her grandgrandmother) 3) What should I do to make her more calm and eventually help her to not be confused anymore? Thanks beforehand
Hmmm, it's hard to say, since we don't know her relationship with her grandmother and how it is affecting her. But, I would say at least wait for a few days before asking to go somewhere with her; give her some time to herself to work out her emotions. But before you ask that, ask her if she's ok and how she's doing. It's hard to tell what you should to do help her calm her down, you'll ultimately have to judge what would be the best way. But tread lightly, as it's going to be hard time for her. Don't push her to go anywhere, make sure she actually wants to go. Good luck with the situation, and my condolences to your girlfriend's family.
I suggest to at least make your intentions known. Like "I want to cheer you up, even if only a bit." Offer yourself to her as a friend and as a loving companion. I'm sure she'll appreciate that you're beside her through the tough times, and that whenever she's ready, you'll be there for her. Try and make her smile with sweet things, thoughtful things. And as stated above, make yourself available for her. Not forcing her, but gradually turning the tide over. It's never easy loosing a loved one, the ones left behind have to stand together to pass through the tough times.
1) When should I ask her to go somewhere with her? ANSWER- Well the one time that you should ask her will be the opportune moment where her head is clear from a good nights sleep or after a shower, it's one of the times where everything is clear as crystal for you. 2) What should I say to her today? ANSWER- First off you need to put her at ease, text her something like "Do you want a hug, because they're free :)" because it puts her at ease. You want to help her forget pain so making her smile is good. Maybe link her to some music of give her a CD with some good(happy depending on whether she wants to) music. 3) What should I do to make her more calm and eventually help her to not be confused anymore? ANSWER- Suggest she go for a shower before going to bed,dry off and fall asleep. It does wonders for a person, which has helped many people. Otherthan that, i think the other methods above will help also. I hope this helps you out man.
She and her grandmother had a good relationship so it's hard for her. Yesterday I also talked a bit with her and talked about other stuff and I was actually surprised that she started joking and stuff. I guess she knows I'm there for her. I have asked her today how she was doing and she said she was fine and she put a :) smiley in her message so I guess she's fine. Therefore I asked her to go somewhere next week and we will probably go wednesday to the city and I think she was kinda relieved I asked :). For the first time in these 3 harsh days I actually smiled n.n I will always be there for her and I have said that many times to her, I think deep down she's starting to get calm again. I also already have a few ideas to do wednesday (fun things .. for her that is, she already said once that she wanted to look for some clothes for me but I don't like shopping but this time it's for her so idc n.n). I hope she'll get over it soon but I will be there along the road to help her n.n Thanks everyone, it means much to me for helping me here! EDIT: It's over between us, she wants to stay friends ...
