Writer's Workshop

Discussion in 'Archives' started by Roxas, Oct 1, 2006.

  1. len Gummi Ship Junkie

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2008
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    i don't have a title for this story yet,sorry
    i'll write the plot if you guys could give me some tips ya?
    tell me what do you think about this :
    Sora ,riku, kairi were training together ,sora is trying to teach kairi the magnet spell "this is impossible” she said hopelessly "nothings is impossible if you keep your mind into it ,u just need more practice" she then tried once more , one of there surroundings flew off its place and hit sora s back
    “awww are you hurt, so so sorry “she helped sora up “it’s okay at least I know you made some progress “while holding his back they both laughed ,
    wakka ran up to them
    “hay kairi” throwing his blitzball at her, luckily enough namine warned her”blitzball at twelve o’clock!! “kairi side flipped dogged the ball
    “HAY ARE YOU CRAZY” she stepped on his foot then smirked him in the head “awww aww that hurts YA !!” gasping the pain in his foot , tidus ran to them “so you guys going ??”he said catching his breath ”were ?” sora said wondering ,suddenly time stopped “huh....what the hill??” kairi said confused
    Then a white clocked figure appeared “who are u” kairi asks while she summons her keyblade at once

    so what do you think ?
    give me some tips and stuff k?
    i really need them :3
    should i continue?
    what do i need to change ??
     
  2. Mixt The dude that does the thing

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2006
    Gender:
    Male
    826
    For whatever reason I decided I wanted to write a fanfic even though I usually hate writing. Go figure. Anyway the basic idea is what would happen if the keyblade chose Riku instead of Sora at first. All but the last paragraph thus far are things you've already seen in KH1, and the end only replaces Sora with Riku. This is really more about seeing if I've got a good writing style for this or if it needs to be tweaked some before diving into the unknown. Any and all feedback is appreciated.

    ~~~~~~~~~~

    Sora ran across Destiny Islands, rain pouring down and living shadows following his every move trying to claim their next victim. In the midst of the stormy sky could be seen an foreboding dark orb that was growing slowly as it pulled in everything that came in it’s path. Sora ran closer and closer to the vortex coming dangerously close to the paopu tree he sat on with his friends. Despite all the danger Sora only had one thought in his mind “Riku, Kairi, please be safe.â€

    Riku stood under the cyclone with his eyes closed in an almost trance like state. Behind him Sora came running across the bridge to meet him but Riku did not stir even as Sora shouted, “Where's Kairi? I thought she was with you!â€

    Riku opened his eyes and responded dreamily, “The door has opened...â€

    Confused Sora asked “What?â€

    Riku finally turned around to look at his friend, “The door has opened, Sora! Now we can go to the outside world!â€

    Without a second thought Sora retorted, “What are you talking about? We've gotta find Kairi!â€

    “Kairi's coming with us!†Riku shouted back. Sora was stunned at Riku’s neglect for a friend but Riku continued seeming to convince himself as much as Sora, “Once we step through, we might not be able to come back. We may never see our parents again. There's no turning back. But this may be our only chance. We can't let fear stop us! I'm not afraid of the darkness!â€

    Riku outstretched his hand waiting for his friend to take it and for them to jump into their fate in the unknown. At the same time however two pools of darkness appeared under their feet trying to take hold. “Riku…†Sora breathed as he watched his friend stand unflinchingly as if nothing was happening.

    Sora tried to step forward but seemed to be unable to in the grasp of the sinister tentacles. Sora continued to lean forward reaching out as far as he could but always missing by mere inches, while Riku stood still as a statue unwilling to close his end of the gap. And slowly the darkness enveloped both of them and nothing could be seen, felt, tasted, heard, or smelt, everything was gone.

    Slowly a light appeared in the distance and slowly grew brighter until it shattered the veil. Riku found in has hand a giant key of some sort with a golden handle and a silver shaft. In the air of his confusion a word formed itself inside of his head. Keyblade. Riku looked around for his friend but Sora was nowhere to be found…
     
  3. Forever Love Life Without Limits

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2007
    Location:
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    Even with the same flow as the game, it's still good and well-written. I love your descriptions. Even though I've seen the scene before, it's still very clear and visual. Continue writing and you'll become even better.

    Now, with Riku's side, it'll be way different. Where Sora is, I'm not exactly sure, but keep writing.

    No complaints here, so I say you're free to go.

    -Kairi
     
  4. P E A N U T ~*~Never Surrender~*~

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2008
    Location:
    Stranded.
    81
    Could somebody critique my brand new fan fiction? It's my first one ever. There's a link to it in my siggy.
     
  5. Amethyst Grave Hollow Bastion Committee

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  6. Maka Albarn It's called love

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  7. Fallout Gummi Ship Junkie

    Joined:
    May 17, 2008
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    Just click the link under my signature for my work. =]
     
  8. Forever Love Life Without Limits

    Joined:
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    I read your story before, but forgot to comment on it. You have a pretty good plot line going with the sickness and what not. Sora and Riku's reactions to Kairi's condition and the signs of her sickness are well thought out and closely related to their characters.

    The only real critique I can give you at the moment is to proofread a few times, just to catch those little spelling errors and grammatical mistakes. And also try to make your paragraphs a tad longer, as well as put more description into your battle scenes.

    I'll tell you more once I find something out of place or something. But good job and keep up the good work. You're well on your way.

    As for the rest of you, I'll check your fics later. Except for you Sovereign. I know you're trying to reach your goal and all, but that's not even a piece of fan-fiction. Don't post in the thread when it's not even related.

    -Kairi
     
  9. P E A N U T ~*~Never Surrender~*~

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2008
    Location:
    Stranded.
    81
    Thanks =). Your story is amazing too, I can't wait for the next chapter!
     
  10. Forever Love Life Without Limits

    Joined:
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    Hm...

    So far, you have a good plot line going. The only thing you really need to work on is your grammar usage and what not. Also, put another line break in between paragraphs when a person is speaking, because it makes it kind of hard to read. The same thing goes for your huge paragraphs you have. Shorten those or seperate them when the subject changes.

    Other than that, you're good to go. ;)

    You're welcome and thank you very much. The next chapter is due up today. You may just be lucky enough to read it today, because I still have yet to finish it. XD

    As for you Friendly_Heartless, I'll read yours in a little bit, as soon as someone else responds so I'm not double-posting. XD

    -Kairi
     
  11. Sexy Sheva Banned

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2007
    Location:
    don't turn around
    252
    I'm working on a Novel just for the fun of it =]

    This isn't the whole chapter, only a small part. CnC Please



     
  12. Forever Love Life Without Limits

    Joined:
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    Heh. This was another one of those that I read but forgot to comment on. =P

    Okay... Um, the only thing I can really point out to you is proof-read. I noticed that in your first post, in the last paragraph, that you made a little mistake at the end of one of your sentences. Fix that and you should be alright.

    This isn't really needed all that much, but I suggest a few flashbacks to give us a little more backround so we can understand the story better. Also, put a tad bit more emotion in there. Just a teeny bit.

    [C u p p y]&[K i t t y], I'll read yours when I find the time. It's so long. XD

    -Kairi
     
  13. Sexy Sheva Banned

    Joined:
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    don't turn around
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    It's gonna be a novel, and that's not even halfway xD

    The next Chapter is gonna be called Trial and Error
     
  14. Allstargamer Twilight Town Denizen

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2008
    Location:
    15 degrees off Cool.
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    So, I'm a hear to advertise my fics.

    I have two: Begining of Destiny(Currently 24 chapters, four posted on site.) A fanfic starring Roxas, the org and None of the usual cast you'd see in most fics. Since it's time frame is Roxas's birth up until when he joins the org, so there's no contrived ressurection storyline going on.

    Legend of Link(a prologue and three chapters. All on site) A rather unique look on LoZ. Can't say much right now, but I promise not to dissapoint :/

    Both links are in sig if you're interested.
     
  15. NovaParadox Merlin's Housekeeper

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2008
    Location:
    Peterborough, ON
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    ...

    what if the only emotions you ever feel are the ones absorbed from your current eviroment
     
  16. Juicy Chaser

    Joined:
    May 29, 2008
    325
    Hey anyone who reads this..

    If you haven't already seen it please could people check out my fanfic..

    its called "The ADDICTION".. you can find out soon enough why..

    thanks ;)



    http://www.kh-vids.net/showthread.php?t=51672

    xxx

    <3
     
  17. lolermee Traverse Town Homebody

    16
    165
    handy, a place where you can advertise your fan fic.
    oke, here goes noting.

    my fan fic is called: kingdom hearts: revisited.
    and I'm almost at the point where you can see why it's called revisited.
    hope that someone reads this and come.
     
  18. Chevalier Crystal Princess

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2008
    Location:
    Trapped on an Island
    552
    do people come advertise here?

    because im gonna post an original story and i wanted to know if this was the place to get advice.

    though...ive already finished chapter 1, and the prologue(needs some work).

    but im gonna start posting once i finish writting chapter 2.
     
  19. K.H.Nut13 Traverse Town Homebody

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2008
    Location:
    Virginia
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    I just want to give some advice to pepole. Describe EVERYTHING. I'm not saying you should take a whole page describeing someone's clothing, but you should go into detail about that sort of stuff.
     
  20. Chevalier Crystal Princess

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2008
    Location:
    Trapped on an Island
    552
    yeah,but in a subtle way, i mean most of the time people describe clothes too much, as if that was so important.

    it is, but not that much.